Porcelain Doll (Howl X Reader)

Chapter 16

Howl couldn’t understand what he was feeling. He was someone who made others fall for him and break their hearts, not fall for someone. It was tearing him up inside and he refused to accept what he was feeling.

Pacing around his own room he began to think of ways to help the girl or why she even showed up to the castle in the first place. He had let it go, never questioned it as she would mainly keep the castle clean like she said but now it bothered him.

“Ugh” He groans ruffling his hair, he slouches against his bed on the floor “I shouldn’t be able to love, Calcifer holds my heart”

“I can’t believe I put myself into the position of falling for someone, as I did to those others” He says continuing to speak to himself “I was happy to see those women fall and only to be heartbroken, feeling how I thought I would feel”

He turns his gaze toward the ceiling, staring at it blankly, his mind filled with his own thoughts which he voiced aloud. “Yet somehow, she leaves an ache where my heart would be whenever I see her”

“How is it when I am away I want to hurry back to the castle, my mind completely disregards the woman I lay eyes on to be the next victim to my game all to rather enjoy her presence” One of his many items was thrown off his bed, slamming into the wall “Because of this I haven’t been able to keep up with what I started, less are crying over me….and it's all that woman’s fault”

The room around him begins to darken. The shadows of the candles dancing along the wall as if to mock him. Howl scowls watching the flame dance freely atop the candle. 

Pushing himself up from the floor he steps over to the candles across the wall, snuffing out the light. He turns to his window in his room, overlooking his sister's yard back in Wales, the one area of the house he forbade (Y/N) from going into, and surprisingly she listened.

“If only it were that easy to get rid of whatever these feelings are” He growls, lifting up his blanket and curling under it, the room darkening even more as shadows from the moonlight mocked him.

Howl lay in silence, staring at the wall ahead of him as his mind was racing with thoughts “I refuse to accept what I feel”

“I shouldn’t be able to love, Calcifer holds my heart” He repeats.

“I shouldn’t be able to love” He slowly bring his legs toward him, gripping the blanket with his hands as he covers his ears “Calcifer holds my heart”

“I shouldn’t be able to love, Calcifer holds my heart” He repeats, his breath grew short as his words began to huddle together.

“I shouldn’t be able to love-” He was cut off by a knock on his door. He tries his best to clear his throat silently to rid of anything that could show he was feeling off.

“Who is it?” 

The voice came out harsher than he expected, yet Howl didn’t care, he was feeling vulnerable and it frightened him.

“Uhm...Howl?” A tiny voice called through the door.

“What Markl?” He says, catching the boy outside the door off guard, the slight shuffling of feet could be heard

“Oh...well I was wondering if you could help me with a spell?”

“No, go away and leave me alone” He scowls, throwing the blanket over his head once more.

He could hear faint chatter between two people, most likely (Y/N) and Markl. Once the chatter had quieted the sound of two people walking away could be heard as he was once again left alone to his thoughts.