Even though teachers may say that "grades don't matter that much" ,we all know that it obviously does ,right?
Without good grades, we won't be able to get our certificates and diplomas and master's degree and all to help us get a job , bad grades also mean you wouldn't be able to get into a good school as the choice of schools would be limited, thus causing the high probability of not being able to pursue your dreams. But then again there are only a few people who are able to actually follow or work towards their dreams.
And sadly, I'm not one of them.
Thinking about how much grades can affect me ,I want to study, I want to revise, I want to do better,I want good grades, but those are all just what I WANT to do.
They are nothing more than wishful thinking as long as I don't actually act on them like setting aside time to revise the work I did in class, try to understand the things I didn't understand at first.
As much as I do want to do well,
as much as I regret not studying after seeing my marks,
as much as I want to Make myself and others proud of me,
I simply can't.
I cant. Really.
I know this may not make sense ,like, 'why don't you just try doing it?' Yes, yes I tried but I seriously can't, I just
don't have the motivation to do it. I could want to attain a certain result but I am unable to actually put effort into doing so.
It may not make sense to some ,but I really don't understand how people who studies or revises everyday do it.
Just how much do you guys have to sacrifice to spend so much time on studies? I'm sorry but I honestly do not understand how you're able to get the motivation to study so much and so hard.
Personally, even if I am bored ,there is no way I will be able to study . I could think things like ,Oh I'm free I could totally study right now . But I would end up being unable to concentrate after around 20 minutes of trying to study. I'd either be distracted or feel unmotivated once again, finding it far too boring.
And once again, not sure how many people relate but , I used to be one of those kids who were able to score decently even without studying, only in primary school though. And because of that , 6 years not revising or studying hard , I honestly do not know how to study.
Yes I know that I can read through the notes, textbooks, try questions etc.
but I can't. I don't even understand the things I'm reading and am unable to do most of the questions correctly .Or I would understand whats taught when I'm in class,but when I look through it again at home, I don't know how to do it or don't understand.
And the worst is when you have a friend of yours that is just so much smarter than you and you just can't ever seem to catch up. And it'd be okay if they would help when I asked a question, but the thing is ,they are able to make me feel scared to ask them a question due to the chance of me getting embarrassed in front of them.
'Friends are not supposed to feel like that to one another .' Yes I know but ,what can I do, I'm really just that stupid and friends are hard to make so might as well stick to the ones you've had originally as long as it isn't too bad or toxic a friendship.
Well to be honest I'm jealous . They even have aspirations of working in the medical field. Just like every Asian parent's perfect child. Must be good for them. I do understand that it means they are probably under a lot of pressure but still I can't help but feel envious and feel that they are living a pretty good life.
And that friend studies after school almost everyday. Perfect study plan, but I don't get how they are able to do that. Where do they get the motivation from ? From the fear of disappointing their parents? Well even that isn't enough , I'm just stupid I can't do anything about it ,even if I wanted to study and learn and all ,I wouldn't be able to .
And I'm REALLY envious of the people who can absorb information into their brain upon seeing them for the first time .That makes studying and answering questions so much easier. With the new information learnt stored inside their heads just like common knowledge, it basically makes it as easy as asking about one's own birthday to get the information out.
Oh how easy life would be if everyone was like that .
Being the disappointment of the family isn't fun at all ,but it's alright because I know i won't be able to be the pride of the family and I cant change that :")
I guess life is just unfair in that way .
ok im tired bye.
(thought I published it ytd but ig not)
