Boys are(n't) useless

Male Sexual Assault: A Serious Problem Deserving Attention

Male sexual assault is a serious issue that needs to be taken seriously. The misconception that men are always seeking sex is a misogynistic view that undermines their humanity. Men deserve as much respect as women when it comes to sexual boundaries, and women should respect those boundaries as well. The phrase "no means no" applies to all genders, and it's critical to stop pushing men into situations they don't want to be in.

The impact of sexual assault on men, including young boys, is severe and often overlooked. Teenage boys are sometimes shamed or ridiculed after being victimized, especially when their abuser is a woman. For instance, some men even face judgment from other adults who claim they "should have enjoyed it," which dismisses the trauma they've endured. One example includes a case where a boy was assaulted by a woman while drunk, and despite saying no twice, adults around him expressed that they wished they had been in his position.

Harmful attitudes toward male sexual assault, such as an old man disowning his sons for expressing their pain, perpetuate this issue. Society needs to take men's experiences seriously instead of laughing off claims of male rape. Media portrayals that joke about men not being affected by sexual assault only contribute to the misunderstanding of what assault truly is. Whether it is a man forcing himself on a woman or a woman forcing herself on a man, both are equally wrong.

There is also a dangerous consequence of portraying female-on-male rape as acceptable. This can lead to a lack of sexual maturity among some women, with some even believing that their actions are permissible because society doesn't treat female perpetrators the same way as male ones. The following are accounts from male survivors who shared their experiences in the comment section of a video discussing the seriousness of not making rape jokes about men in prison:

1. "Thank you, I was sexually assaulted as a child and it still haunts me. Yet most people won't take me seriously simply because I am a man, and she was a woman, even though I was 6 years old at the time."

2. "Well, it's great to see Terry Crews talk about his experience. I too was assaulted when I was younger. It ended with me chasing the older boy with a knife. He picked on the wrong kid."

3. "I was sexually assaulted in school by other students. It wasn't fun."

4. "As a small child, I was sexually abused by my older brother. I was always afraid to tell anyone for fear of being laughed at or shamed for not being strong enough. It changed my life forever."

5. "I was fondled and threatened by a female supervisor. She even tried to run me down in the parking lot. Almost no one at work believed me. I quit to save my sanity."

6. "As a male abuse victim of a female perpetrator, I was turned down by almost all doctors for PTSD treatment. The local domestic violence shelter had funding for women, but not for men."

7. "My brother was assaulted, but the school didn't expel the abuser, and the law brushed off the case."

The rhetoric of "boys will be boys" and excusing male assault victims feeds into harmful stereotypes. Here are more accounts:

1. "I was sexually assaulted by a Hispanic woman and physically assaulted by a Black woman. That's why I have a fear and phobia of them. I was also assaulted by a Caucasian woman."

2. "I'm 14 years old, and when I was 11, a 'nice' teacher touched me inappropriately. That was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Double standards shouldn't exist, and it's not funny for a woman to assault a man."

3. "One time, a girl looked at me inappropriately while I was in the bathroom. I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid of being laughed at."

4. "I don't think we should joke about male sexual assault. Men are often told to 'toughen up,' which is harmful."

5. "My best friend was abused, and it hurts my soul how people downplay male assault."

6. "Aidan Weiss-Rice said, 'Similarly, 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence, but 1 in 9 men do. There is only one male domestic violence shelter in the U.S.'"

7. "Molested as a boy—no one was punished. Stay away from scouts; they sweep it under the rug."

8. "I was abused at 9, but I never told anyone because people would say I was 'lucky.'"

To those asking how toxic masculinity hurts men, male sexual assault is a prime example. Men are often expected to be strong and invulnerable, which silences their pain.

Another commenter said: "They joke because we men are supposed to be too 'strong' to let it happen. Part of it is a desire for rigid gender roles where men are the powerful protectors, and women are vulnerable caretakers."

Finally, a man named Andrew Greydays summed it up: "Thank you, Samantha, this needed to be said. I think there are even more men who have been sexually assaulted than we think because no one cares. It's scary to report. I couldn't bring myself to report what happened to me."

Click on the external link for a PSA on male sexual assault.