Unmeant To Be

Prelude

"You don't have to do this."

Napalingon ako sa nagsalita. Nakasandal si Chelsea sa hamba ng pintuan, her arms were crossed on her chest and was intently looking at me.

Hindi ko sya pinansin and just continued organizing my clothes para ilagay sa maleta. I didn't want to have that conversation again.

"Nagsawa ka na ba dito? Kasi probinsya?"

I rolled my eyes. Her reasoning was funny. Dipolog may just be a small city and my life here may be far different from my life in the States, but it will always be my home despite being away for five years.

"Chels, we already talked about this," I told her habang kumukuha ng bagong mga damit galing sa closet at isa-isang tinatanggal ang mga hanger.

"I know! But you just came back a year ago. You said you were back for good. What changed?" Naglakad siya palapit sa kama ko at umupo roon.

It was after I passed the CPA Licensure Exam when I left the Philippines. I had many offers waiting for me, but I decided to leave for personal reasons.

Hindi ako umimik. I really wanted to stay. So bad. Pero wala na akong rason para manatili dito. I’ve lost reasons. My whole family is in Los Angeles. Kaya the only option left on the table was to go back to LA.

"Nothing. I just realized that the Philippines isn't for me."

She snorted and gave me an incredulous look. I knew that she doesn't buy my reason. Kahit ako rin. I can't fool myself. Alam kong gusto kong manatili dito.

“Seriously? Alam mo namang di ako naniniwala sa’yo.”

I shrugged. “Suit yourself, then.”

Pinabayaan ko sya sa kama at dumiretso sa banyo para kunin ang mga toiletries. She followed me to the bathroom and stood near the doorway.

I checked the products if may laman pa ba iyon. Some were half-full, at may iba namang paubos na. I decided to just throw them away. Sayang sa space.

"Is this about Rhys?" Chelsea asked carefully. Her voice was soft, trying to not open a sensitive topic.

Napahinto ako sa pagliligpit ng aking mga make up. It has been weeks since I've heard his name. He was a taboo topic between Chelsea and I.

I bit my lip and just remained silent. Hindi ko magawang sabihin na hindi because I didn't want to lie to myself.
He was the sole reason why I came back, and now he's still the reason why I'm leaving. How ironic.

Hindi ako sumagot at lumabas na lang ng banyo. She followed suit, sitting back on my bed.

"Kai..."

I gave her a look and there she saw the answer to her question. Chelsea  immediately stood up from my bed and wrapped her hands around me for a hug. Hindi ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang mga luha ko.

"Shhh. It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay, Kai," she hushed, hinahagod ang likod ko. "Whatever your decision is, I'll support you."

I hugged her tighter, thankful for having a friend like Chelsea. If not for her, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. She's always there for me and she has my back all the time.

We stayed like that for awhile before she decided to go out and buy dinner for us. I was too preoccupied with packing na hindi na ako nakapagluto ng panghapunan.

Pinatuloy ko ang pagliligpit ng gamit at nilagay sa maleta. Once I was done, I zipped it close at pinatayo sa gilid ng kama ko.

My eyes wandered around the room I've occupied in for the past year. I was living with Chelsea in her 3-bedroom townhouse. She was an only child, and her parents were also living abroad while she chose to stay in Dipolog.