Trouble Of Life

April And Abuse

You little bitch, YOU KILLED HER YOU KILLED MY WIFE!

"Ahhh!" I wake up safely in my apartment, clutching my chest as my heart goes at a fast rate.
"It's in the past its in the past, snap out of it April" I repeatedly say to myself looking around the room hoping that I've woken up and back to reality safe and sound.
But after so many years of abuse from dear old daddy, I've developed new habits like looking left and right or making sure that everything like windows and doors are locked tight after all when I was back living with my dad I had to use these methods to avoid his drunk state.

It happened 15 years ago and sadly mum committed suicide but besides her death, what made me break down was not seeing the signs, she may of had trouble at work and had some pretty bad times but why didn't I noticed that smile she always put on was fake? I should've been there for her and supported her but why do I realise this now why not earlier.

But sadly the past is the past it can't be changed or different. After many years go by I've dealt with abuse,drugs and many more and I looked at that razor or the rope and I've tried many times but I realise now I'm not my mother even though I love her dearly it's not time for me to go.

I finally had the strength to pick up the phone and report to the police on dad, I knew that if I stayed any longer and did nothing suicide would become an option.I watched dad being dragged out of the house when the cops came yelling and cursing but what was more haunting then his raging face is him looking me in the eyes and realising what he's done to his daughter he once loved and promised that he would protect but even though he put me through hell some how I still love him and see him as my father.

I went through many bad homes and finally after a long time I felt really connected to them they treated me like a daughter should be blood related or not and helped over throw bad memories with good ones like a damsel in distress they came in armour and all and for once in my life I could live with no regrets and even though I wake up screaming and crying I finally have a loving home to run to and a family to hug and cry with soothing words whispered in my ear reminding I'm loved and I got through hell.