Old Orchard

Carla:

I walk into the cottage, and everyone but Craig is conjugated in the kitchen, and I am not in the mood to face everyone quite yet. I hear a knock on my door before it opens, and I am expecting Annabelle, but it is my mom instead. She sits down next to me, and I fight back every tear I can that is trying to escape.

"I know sweetie," my mom says, patting my hand. She looks over to my dresser, and I wonder if she sees the journals on the dresser. She reaches out, grabbing one off of it, and her fingers are trailing the outside of it. "I forgot about these" is all she says with no sign of annoyance or anger in her voice that I have them sitting out.

"What happened?" I ask.

She hands the journal over to me. "How about you find out and read to see what happens," she says as she gets up to walk out. As she is getting ready to shut the door, she stops, looks at me, and makes sure she has eye contact. "Carla, just remember how my story is going right now. I am married to the most wonderful man and have two gorgeous daughters. No matter how that journal ends, you remember where I am in life right now. Will you do that?" she asks. She waits till I shake my head before she clicks the door shut.

June 15th –

I have stayed in every day since being here. Mom keeps asking what is going on with me. I have not told her that my heart is broken. I cannot leave because when I go outside, I see him everywhere and because after that first night, he told me that it was over. He told me there was someone else and that the distance was not working out. Last few weeks, I had poured my heart out by sending him letter after letter telling him how excited I was for this summer. It would be the best one yet, and the next summer, I would be able to move to Maine and go to college somewhere close by. He said that it was too late and wished that it would not have come to this. I yelled, actually screamed. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing – I walked home, not knowing how I made it with the tears in my eyes. I went out to eat with mom and dad the next night. I ran into Glen with his new girlfriend – it is Becca. I have met her a few times before.

I read journal entries that are dark, sad, depressing, and they are none that seem like my mom at all. My mom was known for having drama, but it was nothing like what I was reading in this journal.

July 10th –

I hate everything. We are still here. I do not know why we have not gone home yet. I was for sure thinking that Glen would remember. Remember all those first times together, but every time he saw me walking around this summer, a guilty smile would come across his face. I was planning my wedding with Glen, and now I see how foolish that is.

July 15th-

I will always remember the memories I have from here, but it is time to leave and not come back for a while.

This last journal was the hardest to read since I knew exactly what my mother had been going through. The only difference is that Logan came back for me. He wants to explain what happened, and I realize that I need answers before I can finally decide if it is time to move on or not.

"Mom" is all I can say before tears explode down my face.

"I know, Carla, it gets better with time," She says, and I know that I do not want it to go away at all. I have this bone-chilling feeling when I think of Logan that I do not want it to go anywhere – I want it to find residency in my heart.

"I love him, mom, and I'm not ready to give up," I say.

"I never want to see you or your sister become like what I was over a boy; you both are better than that." With this last thing she is saying, I know she is letting me know that she heard mine and Logan's conversation from this morning. I want to defend him and say he is not like that, but I do not know yet why he said it. But I will find out soon enough. "Sweetie, I just wanted to let you know that you can talk to me whenever about anything and that I am here for you." My mother has a lost look on her face, and I can tell she is in another place, and I shutter, knowing I brought her back to possibly the worse summer of her life.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"Oh honey, you do not need to be sorry about anything. It was a very long time ago, and I learned and grew from it. Then I found your dad, my first true love." She says as she embraces me in another hug.