Remember all the things I listed that I hate/struggle with? Well I'm the cause of all of it. Every. Single. One.
Don't try telling me otherwise. Bc I already have my mind made up. I'm the reason of all this shit.
I was told by someone who loves me and I love them, that I was the problem in my household.
Don't put the blame on them. I love them and they love me. I think. But I know it's true.
I hate how I can't cry. Like I'm sitting here writing this, listening to sad music, after a bad fucking fight with my mom. I just wanna give up. And I'm not crying.
Maybe it's bc I'm numb but I want to cry I really do. But nothing will come out.
The thing that always seems to put me off the edge is the fact that t feels as if know one notices how I feel. And if they do they don't care. Ik that's not true. Bc today my ex asked me if I was ok. Yes I'm still friends with my ex.
It was one of the situations where neither of us could tell if our feelings were romantic or platonic. They were platonic to then apparently. They broke up with me for "mental health reasons" but I think they just thought I didn't care about them.
I did
Did
Know I feel like they hate me. But tbf I feel like everyone hates me so that's not surprising.
I feel like I have no real friends and that no one ACTULLY cares. Except maybe this one girl. But once again I'm convinced everyone hates me.
More on that later
Let's focus on my appearance
The thing that bugs me the most is that I have a very pretty feminine face. Atleast I think it's ok. I just don't like being feminine. It feels wrong. But also comfortable? Idfk
I also feel like my beauty is underappreciated. But maybe I'm just cocky. None notices me anyways.
I'm just gonna stop talking to people at some point.
I'm ALWAYS the last choice. Every single one of my "best friends" leave me.
I also have therapy on Friday. (Tomorrow) my first one too so I'm nervous. And I have social anxiety so this should be fun.
I'm burnt out for now with ranting. But 412 words yay ig lmk if you could relate to this bc I want to know.
