Passion Bearers

The Departed

Tess regains her independence...

Chapter Text

Tess was taught to look the other way if her husband was to cheat. Even her proud, beautiful mother told her with sad eyes that it was rare that a man would stay true to his wife. It was better not to interfere, they all said since Tess was young, let them have their fun and they'll come crawling back to you later.

Tess had hoped that after the incident in the alley, Tommy would be returning home to her. That his time having fun would be over. That all the ambitiousness that he'd been so blinded by would cease.

Instead, it only caused him to seek more and more. The morning after he murdered that man and his affiliates, he strolled into the main Shelby house, kneeling down beside Tess as he tentatively stroked her cheek. He watched with such deep sorrow on his face, his eyes reflecting the deep longing that Tess held deep inside her heart.

" Are you satisfied now?", she had asked him brokenly, knowing that he was fully aware that she wasn't just talking about the man who hurt her.

Behind those three simple words, lay a deep pain of watching Tommy drift away from her. It was the insecurity she felt as she heard whispers of him and Grace. It was the ever-growing hunger that she saw in Tommy, the endless ambition that drove him to bargain with the Devil.

She prayed and hoped that he'd say yes. Tess imagined that if he did say so, they'd get themselves a big house by the lake. They'd raise their seven children together. They'd lead peaceful happy lives far from the smoke and trouble of Birmingham.

But, instead, all her dreams came crashing down before her eyes.

" You know I can never be satisfied", he choked back as his voice shook in a fashion that was so uncharacteristic to him, " There will be many more men who will want to hurt you. To hurt Ada, Polly, John's children, our children. There will be those seeking to take it all away from us. I can't let them".

The mask that Tommy wore began to slip off, revealing a deeply hurt and vulnerable young man. It made Tess' heart hurt with love as she watched him, remembering when she had been little, trying to reach for the stars and never being able to. Too far, too long, her sisters used to say.

Tess turned away, afraid pain would be like a visible thing on her face. Tommy started moving away when she hid from him, eventually walking out the door, a sigh escaping his lips. All through the night, Tess cried, beginning to lose all hope in the salvation of her marriage to Tommy. She thought of leaving it all behind, going to the road to save her sanity.

However, as if by fate, the following week, she felt her body becoming more and more strange. She threw up more, skipped the date of her period and even developed the sensitivity to smell that she usually got during her pregnancies. It terrified Tess to even think of it. She tried to convince herself that she couldn't be sure. That there must've been something else.

So, after the dismissal of her shift, she made her way to the midwifery clinic, asking the resident midwife there to give her a check. After a long time, the midwife hesitantly gave the verdict.

" You are expecting a child, ma'am", the girl said, " Third months in".

Tess watched, stunned, as the girl pranced on, oblivious to Tess' horror. She felt the need to clutch her belly in fear of throwing up, her head filling with more gloom than it had in years.

It was not herself that Tess mourned for. It was her child. She could not imagine bringing a child into a family where it's father was so obviously falling for another woman and it's mother was so obviously despairing about it. Already, she saw Charlie, merely seven years old, beginning to understand the sorrow behind his mother's eyes.

" Don't be sad, mama", he'd tell as she put him into bed, " Dada will be coming tomorrow".

It would break Tess' heart to knowingly bring her own child into the mess that was her marriage and Birmingham.

Tess pondered greatly over the dilemma she faced. Like a ghost, she floated in and out of the house, hiding from Tommy when she could. She feared seeing him would only trample with her heart. After all, since marrying Tess, he was the one that commanded it. He was the one who she loved. He was the one that broke her heart.

But, Tess attempted to see the situation. She was always famed in her family as the one with the clearest of heads. She never went into a decision rashly. So, after careful consideration, she decided to talk to Tommy and tell him about the baby. Tess was resolute on not wanting to force him to stay with her when his heart lies elsewhere.

But, as she went looking for him at the Garrison, she was shortly informed that he was on St. Anne's Road by a very nervous looking group of men. She followed their directions faithfully, albeit nervously as well. Tess was hesitant as she called out his name in the dead of night, but it turned she didn't have to look for long.

In the shadows she saw Inspector Campbell watching a window, his face screwed up in disgust. Tess followed his gaze, seeing Grace and Tommy through the window, wrapped up in each other. Their mouths joined in a tender, loving kiss, making Tess think of the last time she'd been kissed that way. It made her feel worthless and angry, her heart beating rapidly out of her chest.

Tess ran from her hiding place, landing next to the banks of the canals, dropping to her knees as she let out the ugliest of cries. Massive sobs escaped her lips, her entire body aching. In her mouth, Tess tasted the salt of her tears, which leaked from her eyes as if from a tap.

She sat there, next to the canals, for hours, going through what could be done. Tess knew that she'd had enough. That whatever love she had for Tommy was slowly turning out to be her strongest enemies, turning from butterflies into razors. After all, she only ever asked for emotional fidelity. She suffered through him going to Lizzy Stark's. She shut up and went on. But, knowing that he loved another woman completely broke Tess. She wouldn't be able to look at him anymore.

After her contemplation, Tess finally felt free. She knew what she would do and felt no bitterness towards her husband. She felt as if a stone had fallen from her chest. For once, Tess didn't feel a prisoner to her situation.

She began to slowly set her plan into motion, at the same time as Tommy began to form his plans on Black Star Day. She dismissed their old maid, Fiona. She wrote Esme a letter with all he things that would help her settle with her new step-children. She even visited the poor girl, who was just as young when Tess got married, but with many more children to take care of. She wrote to Polly and Ada, making sure the letters would arrive after Tess completed her plan. She even made sure to write to Tommy, leaving the letter once she left.

Finally, when Black Star Day arrived, with Tommy and the Peaky boys out the door to complete their plan, Tess began gathering her things. She took her case, filling it with all the things her and her children might need and took a car to the train station. Her children wailed in confusion but Tess assured them that it'd be alright. She told that they'd all be going for a little adventure.

When the train arrived, the steam blowing across the misty platform, Tess began to doubt herself. She thought of how she was essentially wrecking the family. She thought of how she was taking Tommy's children away from him. But, then Tess remembered. She remembered the long nights when she had the children see their uncles more than their father. She remembered how since coming back home from the war, he might have fucked her sore all through day and night, but his lips barely ever touched hers. But, Grace, she had him. Tess could see the love between them like a strong cord shining in gold. She couldn't stand in the way of that. It would only end up hurting both Tommy and Tess.

So, just as she got onto the train, she wiped away her worries, slowly watching Birmingham disappear behind her. However, something in her heart broke as she left, despite Tess believing that there was nothing else to be broken.