Passion Bearers

The return

Peaches in the summertime, apples in the fall, if I can't have the one I love I don't want none at all
- Common saying

(for full experience listen to Wonderful Life by Smiths and Burrows)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Winter began to thaw, revealing the greenery of spring, bringing softer breezes through the country. In Liverpool, there was a little more chill than down in the South, where Boswells dwelled earlier. But, along the road, they saw little green sprouts peeking out of the gray earth, bringing a little liveliness to everyone's mood.

Tess fed her baby, holding up his little head to her breast, staring into his big, brown eyes. Henry was much like Tess in his dark colouring but had Tommy's almost delicate features, she could see it clearly in his cheeks and eyebrows. She sighed as she watched the countryside from their vardo, her heart swelling at the sight of never ending land that stretched beyond the horizon. The air was fresh and Tess could see Charlie and Tara running around with other children of the caravan with little giggles following behind. Tess closed her eyes, feeling the breeze stroke her hair.

It's been a long year without Tommy. She grieved for a long time without him, feeling as if a knife had been slashed through her chest. The letter he sent made her want to go running into his arms, even taking an entire week worth of her mother's persuasion to make her stay.

"You cannot go running go back to him each time he gives you a shred of affection", her mother said solemnly, "Love is more than that. Love is patience. It's strength. Build your own strength before you give it all away to someone else, my child".

So, Tess stayed. She healed. She remembered what it was like before she married Tommy, before she fell in love with him the consequent year. She took long rides on her horse, Chavo, in the little hours of the morning, watching the sunrise bleed over the green hills. She helped women in her caravan with giving birth and even found that midwifery might have been her secret calling. Life began to regain colours and Tess would sometimes stop and marvel at the little moments shared with her family. It might have been as little as the sun peeking out from the clouds or another wedding full of festivities with honey roasted duck and home-brewed beer.

Suddenly, Tess began to feel more calmer, more secure with her own identity. She was a mother and a wife but first and foremost, she was Tess, the girl who would jump into ice cold lakes and hide when there were too many people. Tess was a gypsy, she was a nurse and a midwife, she was passionate, she was shy, she was lively and sad.

She was so much more than Tommy and her connection to him and yet...

Tess stroked the letter that Polly sent her just yesterday, in it, contained a long account on how Tommy was doing. By Polly's words, he was just fine, if not for an excessive intake of whiskey and gin, but that was always a given. In private, though, as Polly disclosed, he was not faring so well. He was lonely and often stared at his children's portraits, asking Polly for more news about Henry. The picture of Henry that Tess sent over the mail when he was first born sat proudly upon Tommy's desk. Polly said that once she saw the hint of tears in his eyes when he looked at it for too long. He was not infidile, was not even remotely interested in women these days. At some point, when John was caught cheating by Esme after a wild weekend in a nearby pub, Tommy was the one that put the sense into John's head, causing the younger Shelby brother to go begging upon his wife's door.

But, what most stood out to Tess in that letter was the post-scriptum note at the end of the letter, comprised of just one sentence.

He's waiting for you.

It was all the confirmation that Tess needed. She packed her bags and sent a short letter to Tommy, her first one since last year, when he left the caravan to give her space. In it, just as he once did, she sent a short note with a notification of her arrival. Nothing fancy or full of passion and love. There was not much to say apart from that.

Tess knew very well that she could live without Tommy. Maybe she could've even lived better without him. But, the thing was that she did not want to. Tommy might have been a flawed, greedy, selfish man with a penchant to manipulation, but it didn't change the fact that she loved him. She was not blinded by that love now and did not consider him to be the center of her entire world. Tess did not seek to remedy him or change him. She was fine with who he was. She loved who he was.

Their story was not one for the books, it did not speak of great passion and the power of healing that love provided. Tess didn't heal Tommy. He would forever be broken, as would Arthur, as would John. But, Tess learned to see Tommy as he was. Not the best of men, definitely not the best of husbands. But, he was the an that at the end of the day, the man of Tess' choosing.

On the train to Birmingham, Tess was not doubtful or afraid like she used to be each time she made a rash move. She knew what she was doing. She was no longer the little girl with too large of a responsibility. Tess was a woman grown, tossed by war and love, shredded to pieces, risen out of the ashes. She was not scared to love anymore.

When the train stopped and all the steam began to fade away, Tess, amidst the smoke, saw Tommy, standing by a column, staring straight at her. She looked back, not moving for a while, feeling something akin to complete serenity. Looking at him felt like being wrapped in the arms of the ocean. There was no rush to scream out her love to him. There was no immediate lust and want for flesh. It just felt like the conjoining of two souls. It felt like harmony and balance.

When Tess descended down from the train, little Henry in her arms, Tommy first hugged Charlie and Tara closely to himself, burying his head in their little shoulders. Then, he picked Henry up from Tess' arms, holding him up to take a good look at him, a laugh escaped his lips once their little boy smiled.

"My boy", he cooed at a giggling Henry in his arms, "Here you are now. I thought that I'd lost you".

Tess watched their exchange with a wide smile on her face, feeling as if her family was reunited once again, peace coming down upon her. Tommy came up to Tess last and he gave her a tender kiss, more tender than the one that Tess once remembered him giving to Grace. He looked so happy that Tess couldn't help but feel infected.

"You're back", he exhaled, a small smile on his face.

"I'm back", she replied, smiling back at him, knowing that not much else needed to be said.

Notes:

Fun Fact: Chavo means boy in Romani
*yes i searched that up because im stupid*
Please leave kudos and comment (I really appreciate your comments!).