The Golden Deer

Chapter 13

They rode in silence, continuing to drive north. The woods had thinned out enough for them to ride side by side but Robbie stayed a few paces ahead. His anger and sorrow had abated and all that was left now was a deep embarrassment; every few moments his insides would squirm as he recalled his shuddering sobs and

He had told Evy he had gotten used to the pain but he had yet to manage the tumultuous mix of emotions that still came up whenever he thought of his parents. He could be broken-hearted with sorrow one moment, trying desperately to remember their faces, and then the next he was consumed with rage. Sometimes he hated his father for not backing down, hated his mother for not stopping his father, he hated his neighbors for failing to stand by them, he hated the king, he hated the duke, he hated himself for leaving that night.

On and on it went. He had stretches of quiet, of calm where he felt alright but inevitably it would all come up again. All that pain and sometimes, much worse things.

For a long time fires had been challenging, every whiff of smoke brought him back to that night, wailing in the ash of his father's fields as the flames consumed his home. He would find himself lost in the memory, gasping for air, heart racing as if it might burst out of his chest. All that fear, fresh as the first time he felt it, consuming him again.

Last night had been the worst in a long time. One moment he was standing in the woods, nerves so frayed he felt like he might burst and the next he was back there, choking on the smoke, everything lost to the flames.

Clarity had come with Evy, her gentle hands on his cheeks bringing the world back into focus, guiding his breathing and grounding him back in reality. She had pulled him out of that dark place and then it seemed as if she pulled the story of that nigh too, the first time he had ever spoken the words aloud. And now, despite a little shame, he felt...better, easier. It had been nice to talk about his parents, even if it was painful.

He snuck a glance at her, she was riding with her head down, looking glum. It hadn't been fair to snap at her, it wasn't her fault her father was a negligent king. Clearly, she wasn't like him at all.

Just when he had been ready to give up on her she had surprised him and softened. He had judged her recklessness and she had listened, she had apologized.

He had been alone for so many years, he had given up both on himself and others. There was nothing to gain from attaching yourself to another person except for heartbreak and horror. But he had taught her something and she had eased his pain.

"I'm sorry," he said, pulling his horse closer to her. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"It's alright," she shrugged. "I would be angry too. I am angry. My father should have helped, it is his royal duty to protect his citizens. He's your king and he completely failed you."

Robbie studied her profile surreptitiously, her lips pressed tightly together, eyes fixed forward, glaring through the trees. Thin lines of pain were etched around her eyes. He thought, with a flash of pain, of his father's gentle eyes and slow smile. He doubted that the king had ever held Evy after she woke from a nightmare or cheered proudly when she learned to gallop. Had the king shown any warmth towards his only daughter?

"There's a story they tell about the king and queen," he said tentatively. "About their joyous union full of love and laughter until her tragic death cut short their bliss."

"Sounds like quite the tale," Evy asked impassively. "Would you indulge me in a retelling?"

"Once upon a time," he began theatrically. "There was a handsome prince in a prosperous kingdom. The prince had been betrothed to the eldest princess of a neighboring kingdom since he was an infant but fate had other plans.