Million Dollar Baby (complete)

The truth

BPOV

Why were hospital rooms always so cold? It was like Death's cruel hand just reached in and stole all the warmth out of the place. No matter how warm and inviting administrations attempted to make the room that was likely going to be the last your loved one would ever see, the realization that they were in their last days, hours or even minutes negated the décor. And then there was the smell: sterile chemicals mixed with bodily fluids, sickness and...well, death. It made it too real, and I wanted to run away...as fast as I could, find Justin and just not deal with the very real possibility that I was going to lose my mother. But I couldn't. For one, I would never forgive myself if these were in fact her final hours and I wasn't there, and secondly, Justin had turned me away. Besides, it would be like running away from one problem, only to have to face another that might have been just as hopeless. I was where I was needed.

As much a part of my family as I was, Gabe was right by my side, as well as Alice. Thank goodness she had thought to bring me something warmer than the little red slùt attire I'd had on before. My father would have probably keeled over with a heart attack and ended up in a hospital bed next to my mother if he'd seen me in that getup. So, there I stood, looking out the window, dressed in a little black sweater dress and black thigh high boots. Nothing elaborate, nothing sexy. In fact, it was sort of depressing, but it matched the way I felt on the inside. My heart was still mourning the loss of Justin, vacant and hollow, but my soul was worried the bleak blackness I was covered in was actually an omen of something even more morbid to come...like the loss of my mother. As devastating as it was to lose the only man I would probably ever love, losing my mother would make it incredibly hard to find the will to live. Like a dolphin in its final moment, I'd take one last breath and then just let go as I sank into the abyss.

The cold spot I felt in the cavern of my chest amplified tenfold with that thought, like the cold of the room had somehow seeped its way into my heart. My mother was my best friend. Always had been. Not the same kind of friend as Gabe, or even the same kind of friend Alice had become; my mother was something more. She knew me better than anyone else because I was a living, breathing carbon copy of her. She could tell what I was thinking or feeling without me saying a word because of that. But since she had more experience under her belt, she knew what I needed to hear, and made me listen even when I didn't want to. As flighty as my mother had always seemed to everyone else, she was right nearly one hundred percent of the time. So to never see her warm smile again, to never hear her infectious laughter, to never feel the warm comfort of her embrace, to never smell her white musk scent again...I couldn't even fathom the thought.

"Bells? You want some coffee?" my father asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I turned and gave him a half-hearted smile. That was just like Charlie; his wife was dying and he couldn't do anything to stop the inevitable, so he found something, or someone else to take care of instead. I accepted his offering, noting the thinness of his face. His eyes had dark rings under them, and judging from the almost full beard he was sporting, he obviously hadn't shaved in quite some time. I knew that lecturing him about taking better care of himself wouldn't do any good though, so I let it go. I would just have to keep my eye on him should the worst case scenario happen and we lost my mother, his life partner.

I looked down at her sleeping form and clutched the paper cup to my chest in hopes that it might warm the chill in my heart. Realistically, the only thing that would make me feel better would be my mother's full recovery...although, a cocoon of Justin's arms around me while his reassuring voice promised everything was going to be okay probably would have help. I missed him, and I desperately wished he were there with me, but Fate had apparently had other plans for us. Funny how that worked out; Justin released me from our contract just in time to watch my mother die, and be able to stay home and take care of my dad for the rest of his short life. I wondered if the life of sin I had partaken in with Justin had actually caused Karma to swing back around to give me a swift kick in the ass.