Love me harder | Woodz ff

fault

      I couldn't sleep, I was smiling like a fool. But I  didn't want to feel like one, then I thought of something as my smile fade, I looked at seungyoun  he was fast asleep and then I looked at his phone on the table next to him. 
 

      I then slowly got off the bed and walked to the table slowly, it was cold and I was shivering and shaking but I'm pretty sure It was from how nervous I was. I was walking quietly almost like I was doing a crime. And its basically invasion of privacy.... but he's my husband.

     
 I reached the table and he was so close, I was afraid that he might wake up. I slowly knelt down. Taking his phone slowly, afraid, that it might fall or someone might call him late at night like usual, I slowly switch it on and type in the pass code.

     
As I was typing..my heart was beating like crazy, I kept flinching when I hear the sound of the blankets rustling. Although hearing sounds of the clock ticking, sirens from the road or foot steps from the hallway would be incredibly terrifying, instead, it was silence which at the moment was louder than any of the sound I imagined.

   
 Suddenly, in the middle of typing his pass code, I stopped, I couldn't take it, everything was wrong about this. I then looked at seungyoun and thought for a bit I took a deep breath...I sighed.

 
 "Honey, wake up..." I said, slightly pushing his arm. He was fast asleep. 

     
   I sighed, my mind was restless I shook his body until he woke up. He looked confused, 

 
   He asked me,"huh? What's wrong?what time is it?"

   
   I took his phone and replied,"Can I look through you phone?" Smiling.

   
    He crinkled his eyebrows for a moment and then he nod.

   
    Surprised, I quickly look through his contacts, text messages and his call history and everything looks fine. I then looked at his social media and found her, that girl that cause this doubt in our relationship. I looked at what they talked about and they were just..."dinner appointments?" I whispered..confused.

 
   They just had dinner? For almost a month now?    Do they only talk in person?I mean he does go home drunk...

 
   I looked at him again...and said,"why am I not enranged..."

   
      I should be throwing the table across the room by now. Sweep everything off the table...

   
   Or just tear up in silence...like my weak self always do.

   ....do I not like him anymore? I thought.             

    All those doubt and suspense for nothing.

 
 I was so confused, was he always lonely at dinner time? Was I never there for him... Should I have tried harder to show affection..love.. anything? Could I have loved him harder?

     
Was it my fault but still...

   
"I don't know how to make sense of this..is this cheating? Was I never there? What were those late night calls? I must be useless to him... Or maybe he doesnt like the way I eat."

 
All those thoughts running through my mind as I blankly stare at the screen of his phone that switched off for a while now. 

 
I still didnt feel mad or sad just confused.. 

   
Then I put the phone in the corner furthest to the bed walked to the bed and lied down. I suddenly hugged him from the back...I wasn't sure why..my muscle just moved before my brain thought of anything. 

   
I hugged him tightly almost pulling him,he turned to face me as I saw his smile, "did you feel cold?" He whispered. 

 
 I couldnt smile one bit I just hugged him tighter until there were no space between us,"No you just looked so cute...I wanted to protect you," I replied.

 
He giggled,"how can someone smaller than me protect me?" I chuckled and just kept hugging him while I peaked on the phone in the corner. As if it was the root of the problem its like my rival.

 
The more I looked at the phone the closer it feels. I closed my eyes and hugged him tighter.

 
"you're so near to me but why does it feel like we're far apart..I'm trying so hard to keep you close but the distance just feels to wide."I thought in my head.

 
   "Youn-ah, dont forget me," I suddenly whispered. 

  

   To be continued