A Collection of Short Stories & Poems

Misunderstood

People MISUNDERSTOOD my feelings when my half-sister was born. My trepidation, my pushing her away was all seen as jealousy of a new sibling, instead it was something else.

At first I was OVERJOYED at the thought of having someone who I could become best friends with, a confidant, someone to share my pain with.

Then I became the PROTECTOR, so that she never experience the abuse. I didn't want her to be abuse like me, I didn't want her to be assaulted like me. I would even admit to the things she did or broke to save her from the punishment and repercussions.

Then I became JEALOUS of the love she received from everyone, she was after all the child that did no wrong. I was the reason she was the golden child.

Then she became the VICTIM because he died, he died because I admitted the truth. I became the hated one by our mother because I made my sister the victim.

Then I was the PERPETRATOR and it was my fault she had mental health issues. If I had of just kept my mouth shut, if I had of stayed and taken the abuse, he would be alive and she would be normal.

Then I became the MOTHER because she need a mother, someone to support her emotionally. Someone who cared that she had mental health issues, someone that wouldn't judge her for reaching out. Someone who understood the pain our mother caused us.

Then it was LONELINESS because she didn't need me anymore, she didn't need me to protect her. She didn't need me in her life, she had cousins, friends, family, she had it all. I had nothing.

Then I HATED her, hated her because after all I did, after all I let him do to me, after all the nasty words I let our mother say to me, all the abuse I took to protect her and she didn't need me anymore.

I never got my best friend, I never got that chance to be just SISTERS, instead I became an instant protector the moment she took her first breathe. People misunderstood what it really meant to me to have a sibling brought into that situation.

I have spent most of HER life being so hyper-vigilant, being the protector, making sure I took the sexual abuse so she didn't have to, making sure I took the physical abuse so she didn't have to and making sure I took the emotional neglect so she didn't have to.

I now realise that she suffered the emotional neglect that I did, so I FAILED. I failed to protect her like I promised myself. I am a failure because I couldn't protect her from pain.