Poplar St. (OFFICIAL WATTPAD UPLOAD)

Dinner And Diatribes

"So," the hulking Piglin in red robes remarked cheerfully. "My name is Ozhar, Ozhar the Ruthless. I am the chief of this tribe, and these fine boars and sows are my lords. Why shouldn't we kill you?"

Quackity blinked.

"Well that was blunt," he grumbled, elbowing Tubbo.

Tubbo shot him a dirty look.

"Am I allowed to take some food?" Ranboo stammered. "I'm really hungry—"

Ozhar and the other Piglins burst out laughing.

"Do you know nothing of our culture, Enderling?" One of the lords, a wizened old boar with wrinkled skin and an ornate golden eyepatch sneered. "We solve our disputes on empty stomachs. We eat after things are decided."

"Makes things finish up faster," Ozhar added. "Now, I understand you three were caught trespassing in our hunting grounds. Correct?"

"We weren't trespassing," Quackity snapped, and Tubbo and Ranboo both shot him frantic looks, while Techno just rolled his eyes. "We were kinda running for our lives from a bunch of fucking hoglins—"

Tubbo elbowed him sharply in the gut.

Murmurs spread through the crowd.

"He's not wrong, he's just an asshole," Tubbo added hastily. "We were just passing through, trying to find safety. The hoglins attacked us first, and we would've been able to kill them had Technoblade not intervened—"

The murmurs quickly turned discontented.

Tubbo's face twisted into a furious look. "What the hell did I do wrong?"

"I want the little one's wings for my collection," grunted another of the lords—this one a portly sow in cyan robes with at least a dozen golden piercings lining her floppy ears—to the lord with the golden eyepatch, who chuffed in response.

Quackity gulped, his feathers bristling in fright. He didn't want his wings chopped off and hung in some display case, thank you very much.

"What you did wrong, Goat, was stealing our meat when you first arrived here!" Ozhar growled, slamming his axe handle against the dais. "You beings from the Green World truly are as ignorant as the stories say. But that's beside the point. What is one of your kind doing here?"

Quackity froze.

"Are... are you pointing at me?" He asked awkwardly. "Or Ranboo? I mean, he's half Enderman and I think that's a little more freaky than an avian—"

"You smell of the sea!" Ozhar barked, his nostrils flaring. "You think I can't smell the magic in your veins? The tides in your blood? This is not your realm, Naiad. You must be trespassing for a reason, and knowing your penchant for divination, you are a messenger. What does your monarch want this time? And why haven't we heard from your kind in centuries?"

Gasps rang out through the hall, accompanied by frightened whispers and oinks. The lords seemed to be arguing amongst themselves.

Quackity froze.

Tubbo, Ranboo, and Techno were staring at him like he'd just accosted them in a grocery store.

"Big Q, I'm asking you this because I trust you as an ally and a friend and also because I care about your physical and mental wellbeing, so don't lose your shit," Tubbo said slowly, a look of utter confusion and irritation on his face. "But what the hell is he talking about?"

"Yeah, Quackity," Techno growled, his voice dangerously low. "What's my dad talking about?"

"Uh," Quackity squeaked.