Decisions

Something is wrong

It seems like it was just yesterday that Lindsey and I were freaking out, asking ourselves if it could be true or not, going to the very first appointment and now, here I am, already twelve weeks into my pregnancy. The doctor scheduled the first ultrasound for next week, but I've called her to ask if she could see me sooner. My morning sickness is horrible and I have no energy to do the simplest of tasks, and it worries me.

I take a shower, while Lindsey is still asleep. I'm just so anxious about today and I woke up before seven. When I return to the bedroom, I find him awake too now, still lying in bed. I'm only in my nightgown and it used to be loose fitting and now it's wrapped around me rather tightly.

"Something is wrong."

"What makes you say that? You're not feeling okay?"

"Well, besides the exhaustion and throwing up, which wasn't as bad with Eric or Vanessa, I'm aslo a lot bigger already than the two previous times."

"Why are you saying it's bad? Maybe you're just having a big baby."

"Seriously?" I look pointedly at Lindsey as I join him in bed for a couple of minutes, before we have to get dressed and leave. 

"I'm no expert in being pregnant."

"I mean... look at me." I say, laying down.

By the expression on his face, I know he has no idea what I mean. "I think you're just paranoid for no reason, Steph. You look great to me."

"What if I'm having more than one?"

"As in..."

"As in twins, Lindsey! Triplets, I don't know!"

His eyes widen and his face looks almost animated. "Is that possible?"

"Why couldn't it be?"

"Are we ready for that?"

"You can't take one of them out, you know?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Your appointment is in less than two hours, the doctor will let us know what's really going on."

"I can't stop thinking about it."

"And how long have you been thinking about it?"

"I don't know, but... Well, I just kind of feel it."

Lindsey smiles, shaking his head. "You and your powers."

"You're lucky I love you so much." 

"I am. I'm the luckiest man on earth."

Lindsey has always known the right thing to say.

~

Dr. Sanders smiles birghtly at us, when we come into her office and offers me and Lindsey to take a seat. I adore this woman. She helped me to deal with many fears I had during the two first times I was pregnant. She held my hand and looked at me, telling me everything is going to be okay and that I can do this. Just like I can't imagine not having Lindsey by my side, I also wouldn't want to do this without Dr. Sanders either.

"How are you feeling, Stevie? You started worrying me with the call to reschedule."

"I can't lie, I've been better. Maybe it's simply my age and that's why it's been a lot tougher on me, but I'm tired all the time. I get up in the morning and I could go right back to bed after eating breakfast or like brushing my teeth. The morning sickness hasn't subsided at all either. Also, when I was carrying Eric or Vanessa, I didn't start showing, really showing until over four months, but you can clearly tell I'm expecting now."

"That is true. Well, the sickness can be very bad even up to sixteen weeks and it has a lot to do with you being tired all the time. It doesn't necessarily mean that if you were feeling or looking one way with your first babies, it has to be asbolutely the same now too. But why are we playing this guessing game..."

Since it's only ultrasound and no other sort of examination, I'm not asked to change into a hospital gown. I lie down and expose my growing belly. The doctor applies the cold jelly and presses down the transducer. At first, she's looking at the screen the way Lindsey and I can't see it and of course I'm nervous. Lindsey is standing right next to me, our hands clasped together. 

Dr. Sanders turns the screen to us and points at it twice. "Baby number one and baby number two." She smiles, confirming what I've known all along. "You're having twins."

"She knew it." Lindsey says, giving my hand a squeeze.

"I certainly hope it's a good thing?"

"When I couldn't get pregnant and now knowing I'll have two more, trust me, this is amazing news!"

"Here." I'm given some tissues to clean up and after I do, we go back to sit down at the desk. "I don't want to scare you, Stevie, but this will be a lot more difficult. Don't blame it on your age, having two babies for any woman isn't easy. If you're tired like you said you are, don't do anything, rest. I don't have to tell you to be careful, that goes without saying. I don't know what the two of you have planned, but I would suggest you not working too much or if possible, not at all, certainly don't embark on any tours. Your children have to be your priority, they have to be in any case, but this in particular. And lastly, I would like to see you quite often, it's not because something is wrong, but it's so we could prevent anything from going not exactly the right way."

"I'll come over every day if you need me."

"Well, maybe not that often." She laughs softly, shaking her head.

We spend another ten or so minutes while the doctor gives us some tips on how to make this pregnancy not a living hell, because as she put it, things won't be easy.

Lindsey finally leads me outside and I stop for a moment to breath. Having a baby is one thing, but having two... Well, I'm definitely worried and scared. Of course, I will make sure that I stay in bed for the rest of six months if needed, but it's not always about what you can or can't do, sometimes things just happen.