Stay With Me // ON HOLD

3

Emma

@bunnydemon : Draw a map, find a path, Take a breath, and run.

Me: What's up with all the quotes you been posting lately?

Him: well hello to you too:)

Me: well hello there. I didn't see that you're online. How r u?

Him: are you*

Me: stop.

Him: ok then;)

Him: on a scale of 1 - 10 tell me how shitty your day was.

Me: does 2737281 count? you?

Him: I'd say 2737282, what happened?

Me: Kaylee.

Him: oh, What did she do this time?

Me: She kissed Troy, right in front of me. And she put a black liquid all over my chair to stain my pants. Bet she was real happy when she saw me walk into the school with my white pants. She's trying to make my life a living hell.

Me: what happened to you?

Him: not as bad as what happened to you

Me: tell me though

Him: it's nothing seriously.

Him: Anyways, I just bought some ice cream from the grocery store on way home and I have to go on a Netflix marathon now. I'll text you later.

Me: ugh come on. The marathon can wait but I can't.

Me: helllooooo??!!!

Me: come back!

Me: come on Plz.

I slam my computer shut. Anger fills my mind. @bunnydemon has been acting weird ever since last week, I don't know what had gotten into him lately. I never wanted a life like this. I never asked for it.

Senior prom was coming soon, it was closer every second I waste grieving over my loss and existance. Kaylee was aiming for that crown, she would kill for it (no kidding).

Deep down in my heart, I knew I would never have the honor to place that crown on my head.

I sit on my bed, thinking.

"People like you don't matter here"

The sentence echoes in my head, filling me with angst. Kaylee was literally ruining my life.
So was Troy.

I couldn't handle life anymore. I felt like I was born in the wrong place and time. I always felt like I was never meant to be. That's why I cut. I cut to feel better, to forget my problems. It would take my mind off things for a while.

I head to my bedside and unlock my drawer. I find my razor waiting for me, asking me for a few kisses on my wrist. I open the box and hold the razor in my hands., it reflects the light from the bulb. I pull up my sleeves and place the razor on my wrists. Without second thoughts, I slide the razor across my wrist. I watch as the blood starts pouring out, leaking onto my towel. It stings for a while, but I got used to it over time. I cut even deeper this time.

I feel relieved then. I feel like I don't have to worry anymore. Like everything was in the past and never happened.

People always ask me why I cut, but I never really told them the truth. I do it because of my extreme depression and suicidal thoughts. I would do it because it was the only thing I could control in my life. I couldn't control my absent parents, the voices I heard, the people who beat me up.

But I could control what I did, and this is and will always be my choice.

I know that cutting can cause death, even if I didn't mean it. For example, cutting too deep and loosing blood can cause an infection which can then lead to death.

That was what I was trying to do.

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