Stay With Me // ON HOLD

9

Emma

Do you ever wonder what happens to us when we die? Does this mean it's the end of us, or do we get another chance?
Do people get to choose how they look like in heaven? What if a close family member died? At the age of sixteen, for instance, and decided to be the twenty-four year old version of themself, would we ever find them again or is this it, the end?

Do we even get to meet our beloved ones at death?

*********************

I check my phone one last time before entering school. I didn't want to go to school, I was too overwhelmed by everything that happened in the past few days.

I head to my locker and I pull out my math books out and put my science books inside. I turn around, slowly, expecting to see kaylee. It was part of her morning routine to bug me and make me feel shitty throughout the entire day.
This time I see Troy, he stands there with his books in his arms. He seems to be daydreaming, yet he's still perfect. When he sees me turn towards him stands up straight-forward and looks all formal.

He waves at me from across the room, half the girls in the school start fainting. His hair was carefully cleaned and brushed, his eyes were shining, they always had light and hope in them. I wave back and start walking his direction.
"Hey," I manage to say without ruining the whole conversation. He lets out a small grin , "Hey," he answers shyly. "I see your eye has gotten better over night," I say while glaring into his perfect, blue eyes. "Okay, so...," he stares at me for a second, as if he just forgot what he was about to say,"I was kind of wondering if...," he scratches his neck,"you wanna go out sometimes, like me and you only," I feel every molecule in my body scream,"of course," I answer in a calm tone. "Great...great," he lets out a sigh of relief, as if he expected me to say no.

"Let's go to math then," he says out of nowhere, "but you've got English," I memorized his schedule. "I'll just walk you there," he says.

In the middle of our walk to math class, Troy slowly slides his hand into mine. They fit perfectly together, like a key and its lock, and that's when I know that we were meant to be together.

******************

I enter my room and find a box sitting on the desk, waiting for me.

I walk slowly towards it, as if it might explode all of a sudden. I find a card laying next to it and I open it.

From: Joe
To: Emm

I feel tears flowing down my face now. I open the box and find a mesmerizing necklace that my brother always wore.
I take out the necklace and look at it. It was the shape of a heart, but I only had one half. My brother had the other half, and right now it was sitting in a box infront of me.
I find my half of the necklace and make sure it never falls off. It was the only thing I had left from my brother.

I look at the box and find a letter on the inside. I pick it up and hold it in between my fingers.
Almost like I'm examining it. My hand starts trembling but I still open the note, carefully, wanting to keep the paper perfect for the next million of years.

I start reading it and before I know it my tears Were dripping on the carpet.

Dear Emma,

I know what you're wondering, "oh look my brother is writing letters from the other side", but I actually kept this letter with a close friend of mine and I told him to send it to you a year after I die. Why? Because after I went to the hospital for drug abuse, I knew I wasn't gonna survive so I wrote this. If by any miracle, I didn't die then I was probably too lazy to rewrite this Letter.
I wasn't that important. I was depressed and my life was a mess, but I didn't stop because of that. I went on with life, and that's what I want you to do, that's what you're meant to do.

If I ever happens, fall in love Emm, it's the best thing in the world. I don't want you to hold back on my expense.
I know you loved, maybe still do, Troy, so tell him. If you love someone you should tell them and if they don't like you back, then they're an idiot.

You're important Emma, you've always been, don't let anyone else change that.

I don't want you to ruin your life like I did, please.

Love,
Joe

I Sit on the ground, crying and whimpering until I hear a knock on the door. I knew it wasn't gonna be anyone of big importance but I don't want anyone to see my melt-down.

I read the note once again and stop at the sentence you're important Emma, you've always been.
No one has ever told me that I'm important. Not even my parents. Maybe they didn't say it, but they showed it in some weird way.

Sometimes love can be overpowered by pain, and that's simply why some hearts never get mended again. That's the reason I didn't want to fall in love. I know that my heart would never get fixed if we break up.
My depression used to get worse every day, my parent said that it was just a side effect of grief and loss of someone you love but depression was waking up in a room full of clocks and not being able to find the time. Depression is building a house made out of sticks in the midst of a storm. Depression is dying of thirst while you're out at the sea. Depression moves, slowly, creeping through your body like an enigma on a mission. I wasn't scared of depression, I was scared that it would never be 'cured'.

My mom unlocks the door and takes a look at my face. "You read it, didn't you?" I start crying, for the fifth time today. "Honey, don't".
My mom drops the laundry basket from her hands and walks to me. She wraps her arms around me.
I could feel her cold, heavy breathes against my neck, I could also feel the tears dripping from eyes. I never saw my mom cry. When Joe died she used to lock herself in the room and cry. Now that I see her, I know that it's ok to cry, it's ok to be sad.

I never cried because I was weak, I cried because I held too much pain on the inside for a long time, I was strong for too long.

My mom's body starts trembling and I know that she's trying to hide the tears in.

"It's ok," she repeats, "it's ok".