Revitalize Me

The Underlying Feelings

That night we enjoyed each other's quiet company. It was still awkward between us after the first meeting in the hospital, neither of us talked about it. I was too scared to ask, and he, well I’m not sure if he was being considerate or was just embarrassed of crying in front of me. Even so, as awkward as the tension was, it was comfortable at the same time. The silence was like a blanket of safety, keeping us both wrapped up in a net of forgiveness we both seemed to understand without needing to apologize. I suppose we’ve always been like that though, never truly needing words to understand the other, maybe because we grew up together. 

I looked at the tv screen, tuning back into the movie we were watching. A psychological horror movie, it was almost over and I was getting a little tired. Cuddling deeper into the fleece blanket, I let out a small yawn, scooting farther back into the couch. Kacchan was beside me, he glanced sideways at me when I shifted and smirked before pulling me into his chest. A small squeak left my lips as his scent suddenly surrounded me, he moved the blanket so it was covering a part of him. His arm stayed wrapped around my shoulders, thumb mindlessly running along my arm causing my face to heat up.

“If you fall asleep I will carry you back to your room, don’t worry.” his voice a tiny whisper, I almost didn’t catch what he was saying. I nodded just slightly, pulling the blanket up farther to cover not only my blush but also the smile that was trancing about my face. 

I really couldn't wrap my head around the gentleness I had been shown from him since our reunion. Maybe he was scared that if he got too rough I would run away like the last time. A quiet chuckle left my lips at that, I barely got away the first time, only succeeding because I thought he would forget me and be happy. We weren't exactly in the best of relations at that point in time. Now though, there's no way I could voluntarily leave. It would be too hard, not when he makes me feel like he would miss me. When I finally get to have him back in my life, even if I can’t figure out where I stand exactly. 

Curling into his warmth I found myself slowly falling asleep. With his arms securing me, the steady thrumming of his heart in my ear, and his mouth watering scent, how could I resist. I let my eyes finally close as the throws of sleep took my mind away to dreams. Feeling as he tightened his arms to place something soft on the top of my head for a moment, and I let my silly heart believe it was a kiss. I finally drifted into a fitless, deep slumber. The first time since the day my life fell apart, and I slept all through the night. 

The next morning I woke to the soft sound of paper moving, gentle breathing coming from above me. Being in the basement, there was no light to show me exactly what was happening. It took me a few moments before I could see that Katsuki had sat beside me on the bed with one of my books in his hands. Realization setting in, I shot up, and reached for the book he was holding, a soft blush dusting my cheeks. He moved the book above my reach, and I fell straight first into his chest. Trying again I moved to grab it, but before I could he grabbed my wrist, stopping me from moving. 

“Mornin’ sleepy, what’re you think you’re doing? I was enjoying it.” His cocky smirk shows that he knows exactly what he's doing to me. I couldn’t help the pout etching itself on my face as he quirks a brow. His hair was messy, pushing out in every angle. He wore a simple black tank and his bottoms; I looked down to take his full appearance, his dark green sweats low on his waist showing off a slight bit of his hips. They hugged his legs making them look more toned, with lines around the left thigh. He looked like he just got out of bed, but the mug of coffee on the nightstand proves otherwise.

“Ya gonna answer, or continue to check me out all morning?” the earlier smirk growing into a full on cheshire grin, his scarlett eyes swirling with amusement. 

“I’m not- I wasn’t.” I stuttered out, blushing harder as my voice=e comes out high pitched and scratchy. Panicking, I go to reach for my book again before realizing he was still holding my wrist and I groaned. Losing this one, my gaze returns to his piercing orbs with hesitation. “Just give me my book Kacchan, why are you even reading it?”

He chuckled at my response, eyes flicking back to the book he held. “I was curious, you have two of every book and the author's name seemed to ring a bell. Fuzai Fate, you know I always thought the author picked a rather interesting pen name.” He pauses to look at me, calculating his next words. “For someone that used to think they could change fate, fight against it.”

My shock is wide, engulfing me whole as he admits to knowing it was my books. I watch as he turns the book over in his hands, reeling my wrist from his warm touch. Cold spreads where his fingers were; still, I can’t move let alone breath as his next words hit me. Although they are a mere whisper, they hit me like a tidal wave. Crashing through the gates of my heart and ripping it to shreds with its talons.

“I should’ve been there for you.” It’s with those words, I realize exactly which book he was reading. The first one I wrote, the worst in terms of my mental state. It’s the one story I never actually published, keeping it for myself as a reminder of what I felt. A way to acknowledge the pain, heartache, and regret I felt after Toshinoris death. The blame I had put on myself for distracting him, for getting him killed. Tears stung my eyes as I watched the man before me tremble, in anger or hurt, I didn’t know.

“Kacchan, you don’t, I mean, how could you have? You didn’t know.” How could he have known that I was the one that took his favorite hero from him. The one person he wanted to beat more than anything, and all because I wanted a quirk. I wanted to be at his side, his equal. It wasn’t his fault, I never told him. I take a breath, trying to relax my nerves. I hated being so emotionally open, I wasn’t good at handling them, let alone understanding them. “Look at me, Kacchan, how much did you read?”

“Twice.” He states.

I blink. I must have heard that wrong, there's no way. Timidly, I ask him.”W-what was that?”

His gaze is sharp as he looks at me, searching my eyes for something before sighing. He sets the book down to stand up, ruffling my hair as he moves to the door, calling back, “Get dressed we’re leaving.”

I sit there dumbfounded. He really just...left? I know he doesn't do feelings and all, but come on! ‘You can’t just leave in the middle of a conversation just because you don’t wanna have it Kacchan!!’ Huffing a bit more at his rather confusing actions I get ready for whatever he has in store. 

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♤ It's been a while hasn't it? Ah, sorry bout that, life kinda got away from me. I try to keep my update times on Wattpad and A03 the same; however, life doesn't always work out like that. I do update on A03 first, so this chapter was probably out for a while. I'm sorry about that.

Anyways, I hope yall enjoyed the Super Bowl if you watch it, and if you celebrate the holiday then love day too.

Love, Kirya ♤