self-hatred -
the feeling in my head, stomach, heart of not being enough - not being good enough - not being satisfied with anything i do.
going as far as talking myself into deeper holes of sorrow and questionting my worth.
though she makes me feel more valuable, more likeable, more like someone.
being the youngest out of 3 always wanting to be like your older brother but always being turned down after the simplest things like wanting to know how they think about something i did, or me wanting to talk about my day or tell them anything about whats going on in my life,
did leave a mark somewhere..i presume.
me being slightly obese in younger years: having words like "rollschinken", "specki", "schweinebacke", jokingly thrown at my head, making me feel like utter gargabe. sometimes feeling like not existing would be easier than bearing this unease i'm dealing with probably every single day, crying myself to sleep, watching in the mirror crying, asking myself why i am the way i am.
having to accept the past and leaving it there...
seeing myself, a human of worth perfectly imperfect...
021522 1850
manifestation -
thinking about things over and over and over again. wanting to better yourself, stop making mistakes, don't overthink...all these things have, you have to want them to actually happen. i do.
keep manifesting all the things you want to do better, not just in the future but in the present.
don't just do it for other around you...but do it for yourself proving yourself you are capable of loving/caring/communicating.
stop overthinking your thoughts, speak what you feel...
022222 2300
positivity
lately things have been good, i am filled with joy happiness and love when i am around you. it's what i want forever with you, my mindset and my attitude in general have changed so much since then...into the positive ofc. yes i am still nowhere near perfect, and i still make mistakes but much less than before and i want to keep it like that, i'm filled with positivity. i know we will last and that's whats in my head all the time knowing i'm gonna be with you, we are gonna live together - tho i'm not taking it for granted -, going to make so many beautiful memories...seeing you smile and be happy is all i long for now.
my heart really is at home in your hands. i'm not telling you enough how important you are to me, how much i love you, how bad i want to live with you.
i love you.
18032022
fear - listen
there is no time in life we don't feel any fear from the day we're born until we close our eyes one last time. however understanding your fear... understand your others fear is something so valuable...knowing how to live with it, how to overcome certain one's. - feeling understood and appreciated is something we all crave for somehow, we want to be heard, be loved, be cared about. questioning things, showing your other that you care can be simple...so do it.
29052022
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peace - happiness
just came across this thought after seeing videos of super peaceful mountains...which made me ask myself what is it that makes me find my peace, something where I'm just with myself and by myself, no distractions no nothing...finding inner peace and with that happiness.
I'll look around.
30062022
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