Lost

1

Breathe it's ok. Everything is alright. I repeat so much it he become my mantra. I stare at my reflection and it stares back at me. My brown eyes are blank and devoid of any emotions. I take deep inhales. My skin is a gorgeous caramel color most women can only dream of. My lips are full and my eyes are almond shaped. My hair is thick kinky coily I'd say it's a hair type 3c. Being mixed has its benefits. I turn my eyes to my nose. It's big bigger than I care for. One of the many things that I hate. Rolling my eyes I grab my hair brush and detangler.

I start from the bottom and end up with my own version of a lazy bun. Next I change into my work scrubs. I work at a hospital I'm just a nurse in hospice care. I deal with death daily. I originally wanted to work in the nicu but when my pops got sick and I watched him fading away I switched to hospice. Death is scary it's ugly yet it's stunningly beautiful. I can't explain it. I slide into my most comfortable pair of sneakers I own and call an Uber.

The drivers all basically know me. They can't understand why I don't buy a car. It's simple I work long demanding draining exhausting hours and I can't even move let alone focus to drive after working overtime hours. People have lost their damn minds. Fucc that shit.

Beep
Uber notification
•Tyler has accepted your request and will arrive at your destination in 5 minutes•
Beep
•Tyler has arrived•

I grab an apple and run out of my apartment. I really need to buy a house. I've been saving up for 5 years and have about 15 k saved. Why so little? Student loans and having to pay off my pops hospital bills. My mom can't afford it. I even am stuck paying off her living expenses.

I struggle with the reality of it all.

Fucc my life this shit sucks. I inhale and exhale deeply plaster my fake smile and feet Tyler with false enthusiasm as I open the door to his 2020 Toyota Prius. It's small and good on gas. Plus he always keeps it clean and it smells sort of like lemons and oranges. I don't mind riding in his car. He's a good driver observes the laws and I feel at ease to and from work.

"Hey Ty!" I greet a smile on my face. "Lele what's up girl?!" His thick brows curve with enthusiasm. Tyler is like a brother to me. Now don't get me wrong boy is fine but he's not my type. He's a white boy and after my horrific 5 year relationship with Trevor a white boy who came from money that should have been a red flag. Ha i thought I was special or something. Yeah right I was especially stupid. He wanted to get a notch off his belt by saying he fucked a black girl. Not once did I give it up. That's why he broke up with me. In such an embarrassing way. Thinking about it pisses me off enough to want to swear off of all men and turn gay.

I sigh as I look at Tyler. He's smiling at me. Damn those green eyes of his and that smirk. Girl don't fall for it. He just wants to be a bit exotic. Yes I'm Afro Latina. My mom is Puerto Rican and Mexican and my dad is Jamaican. Sigh if only men were honest. Unfortunately they love to play games.

I still can't help the smile that crosses my face as my heart softens a bit. Ty is like a brother to me.
"Not much Ty. You know the same old same old. Work and not much else."
"Lele you've got to take a break. You work so hard"
"Bills don't stop Ty just because I am tired"
"You're right sorry Lele I just feel bad watching you working so hard."
"I've got money saved soon I'll buy a house. Ya know?"
"I'll be invited to the house warming party right?"
"Of course Ty!"
"Alright girl here's your stop."
I glance out the window and see the 20 story hospital I work in. I sigh inwardly as I open the door waving at Ty and head off to work.

"Yo Leta!" I turn my head to the left as I walk down the corridor to the staff locker rooms and of course I know that voice anywhere it's Andy! Man has been chasing me since college he's just not my type. Not even sure I have a type but he's not it. Don't get me wrong Andy is not bad in the looks department matter of fact he's quite charming and domineering. Which is exactly why he's not my type. He's a playboy who pretends he's in love with me.

How do I know he's a playboy you might ask exhibit A : in college he asked me out on a date with my roommate on his arm right after he finished a hot and steamy make out session on my dorm room couch! Gross vomiting internally. Exhibit B: every time he chased me he was followed by a woman on his arm. Whether the smell of sex was present or he was covered in her perfume and lipstick stains yeah step back dude not gonna happen. So yeah he seems like a decent guy but all he wants is to get me to tickle his pickle and with all the other women who have tickled his pickle I'm sure his pickle is deformed by now or something to the likes of that. So uh yeah gross. Sorry not sorry Andy.
I roll my eyes and keep on walking to my locker as I pull out my work badge to clock in. Andy catches up and flashes me his award winning playboy smile. Unfortunate for him or does nothing for me.
"Hey Leta girl didn't you hear me calling you?" He says as he reaches for a loc of my hair and I dodge him raising my hand and pushing that loc behind my ear. I look away and try to hide the disgust on my face and in my eyes. When I look back he looks visibly deflated for a second then he shakes it off and is back to his normal perky annoying ass playboy self. As if nothing happened. I know I should respond so I take a second to gather my thoughts and then I respond.
"You know I can't be late Andy. I don't have time to be out here socializing like some of us." I put the emphasis on Socializing. To my surprise is that embarrassment I saw flash through Andy's eyes? He looks away for a second as he clears his throat his thick brows frown for a second and then he looks back at me undeterred by my comment. Clearly I roll my eyes. As much as I can't stand this man I have to admit he has never done more than annoy me and he is funny. Like now the way he makes those faces.
"Well Leta you know you're early you're always early."
"Actually i am not. I took a shift for Riley."
"Why do you do that to yourself?"
"Do what Andy?"
"Work yourself to death!"
"Andy some of us have to work for a living. Bills don't stop. Loans gain interest and the only one I can depend on is me. So if someone offers me their shift ima take it. I'll work my ass off. One day I'll be head nurse of hospice. I don't need you or anyone else to judge me based on my work ethics!" I say my tone coming out harsher than I planned it to.
Andy raises his hands in the air in the gesture of a surrender. Before saying
"Alright girl you win. Still you should take some time off."
I sigh and lower my head I feel bad now. And then I head off to the hospice floor. Floor 17 along the way I'm greeted everyone basically knows me. I don't try to make friends but people just like me.