A Rose To Remember

Chapter 3.

I bragged about this girl constantly and how i thought she was hot but her personality was to die for. Would've done absolutely anything for this girl, name was Lilian Jacobson, 18 with the most amazing green eyes and brown hair you'd ever seen, and she composed herself so elegantly it was a surprise i was one of the only men who ever made a move to her.

She worked in the record store half way down the high street next to some weird random cafe serving food that looked like it belonged in a prison cafeteria.

Always wore the most amazing band tshirts + loved bands like Gene Loves Jezebel. never ran out of conversations with her.

Still remember the day that the roles reversed between me and Jackson and suddenly he was the one telling me to shut the fuck up about Lilian rather than me telling him to shut the fuck about some Kiera girl or something.

Only thing i didn't like about Lilian was the mental aspect, starved herself of not only food but attention and male validation too, drove me mad honestly. But she always held herself together and was always amazing to have conversations with.

I tried for 4 and a half months to get with Lilian, 4 and a half months of conversation about all my favourite topics, wasn't much of a waste i truly enjoyed talking to her and i loved staring at her too, she was like a painting.

Everything i had wished for in a woman right infront of my face.

Until she got hit by a car and ended up in hospital in a coma and died.

Cried my heart out for 10 months before i forced myself to get my shit together and move on.

I still remember the first time i had sex with her, god there was absolutely nothing about this girl that i didn't love. took 6 and a half months of talking to be able to get her into bed with me and seeing her in a casual way, and i wouldn't trade any of it for the world. The absolute most amazing girl.

I guess you could say i was and am unlucky in love, but i'm not sure if it was down to luck as much as it was just me trying desperately to disconnect myself from that human vulnerability that god cursed me with.

And it's still always funny to me that despite extensive drug abuse for years i can remember at least half the girls i've found attractive, and i guess thats what i'm writing about this entire time so that should be obvious, but Grace. My first true love back in elementary school, an unrequited love that i wished for daily until i forced myself to grow the fuck up and get over it.

Summer morning 1986. Someday between August 2nd and August 11th, not sure where. And i am aware life is full of surprises, but i never once expected this one to happen, and especially not so soon after Lilian's death.

and that leads us to today, where we stand now , the final outmost woman i'm dating, Georgia.

And I never loved you, i know i said it already , but i truly mean what i say, i never once have loved you even whilst you're tangled within my arms and whilst your hair is brushing upon my shoulder.

and i'm not sure if its more to do with you than me, or if its just a curse upon me that i have never truly found a woman as much more than just something to fuck besides on a few occasions.