"Tell me something Nairobi Cortes, do you love Luis Mendoza?"
"Mendoza" I repeated, giving some thought and responding "Even the name gives me butterflies"
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When it comes to love, you always want to grasp it and never let it go. After all, it was a feeling you couldn't imagine until you realized how happy you were with them.
However, it's also a painful feeling.
It occur to me that I really cared for Dean until I realized how many days of school I've missed of just laying in bed- tired, thirsty, hungry and depressed.
When I did get hungry however, I wouldn't eat. The feeling of anger, sadness and anxiety made me lose my appetite with just a few bites or even none at all.
Not only did I start to eat less, but my sleeping schedule was horrible. At night was when my brain didn't have an off switch. My thoughts will pour in which my brain will absorb like a sponge and even make me have anxiety attacks. I couldn't let mom know.
She was already worried after the first day, thinking I would become even more depressed and do something I shouldn't- but that wasn't the case. I couldn't imagine leaving her, Nico and Luis.
My hands slightly gotten better. The cuts were almost fully healed, but were still very swollen with bruises that got me staring at them all day. It even hurts to bend them and even crack a knuckle.
And as for practice, I didn't have the courage to step inside that rink. Hell, the first thing I needed to do is get out of this bed, this room.
The sound of the birds chirping made my head pound and ears ring. I grabbed my pillow and covered one of my ears with it, kinda helping lowering the loud chirps.
"Nai, it's time to wake up" I heard my mothers soft voice say
I slowly lifted the pillow off my head and covered my body with my blanket as I curled into a ball, not saying a word.
I can still feel her presence in the room, possibly figuring out what to say to me, or how to get me out of bed to at least brush my teeth. However she wouldn't say anything, she would walk away and let me be. Maybe it's because this was the second time I've been in this "faze"- is what she calls it- and doesn't know what to do.
"I know stuff has been- hard, but you should really get up mi amor" She finally spoke "Luis and the others are worried about you"
That's right, Luis. For the past few days, him- along with the others- I would hear them knock on my house door asking for me. Sometimes they would call on my house phone, but I never answered. I didn't want to hear the "Are you okay?" question over and over and answer with a lie.
