"Tell me something Nairobi Cortes, do you love Luis Mendoza?"
"Mendoza" I repeated, giving some thought and responding "Even the name gives me butterflies"
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My brain has been caught up with emotions that I couldn't understand. That kiss kept me from sleeping, wondering what makes Luis and I.
"I want to make you happy"
Those words repeating over and over like a recorder that couldn't turn off. We were in the moment, a moment I couldn't break from. I do like Luis... I really do...
But I don't know if I like him as a friend.
It's gonna hurt for him to hear that come out of my lips, but I don't want to be in that situation again: The situation of betrayal and heartbreak.
I know Luis would be a good person, but a part of me is just scared of being with someone. Having 'what if's' if they leave me. I don't want to put Luis in a relationship in which I am not ready to be committed to.
I've been avoiding him ever since that night, hurting me like a wound I couldn't clean. I don't want to see him and say something I'm going to regret. But then again, whatever I tell him, it's going to be regretful.
I've told Connie and Julie, and I wasn't surprised that they were excited to hear about that- wanting to constantly tell me that they were right and I was wrong- but their reaction soon changed when I told them I was confused.
"Love isn't easy Nai" Julie said to me "But if you don't love him, you shouldn't lead him on"
Connie nods, patting my back as comfort "Talk to him, he's gonna want to know your answer"
It was the last practice before the tournament. Coach Bombay explaining that since we'll be going against our own age, but different division, we would be playing three games on Saturday and two on Sunday for two weeks.
Although it was something new to us, we were all excited to hear that.
Except for Luis.
I felt his eyes on me wherever I go, scared to make eye contact with him. It was like he wanted me to know that he was staring at me and he wants me to know that whatever it is that I am doing, he is looking for an answer.
"That's all for today guys. Get some rest and be here for the tournament for our first game at eight am sharp!" Bombay said as we all respond with a 'yes coach'
I was the first to head to the locker room, wanting to be the first to leave so I wouldn't have a conversation with him.
"You can't ignore him forever" Connie entered the locker room as she began changing
"He's been concerned about you" Julie adds on, making me feel even more bad for him
"I don't know what to tell him" I admitted, rubbing my head
"The truth Nai" Julie stared back at me "Or else he's gonna be at your house asking questions"
She was right. I was surprised Luis hasn't came by my house since that night. Maybe he wanted to keep his distance with me? Either way, I didn't want to ignore him anymore.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow" I said as I grabbed my bag, exiting the locker room
Before I can leave the stadium, a familiar voice calls my name.
"Oh, hey Luis" I grin, avoiding eye contact
He grabs my hand and I began following him to who knows where. His quick pace hard to catch up, so I began jogging, hoping it would help but that wasn't the case.
"Luis, what are you doing?" I huff
He finally stops, looking around the area we were in. I recognize the place, as this was where I met Hans. He lets go of my hand and lets out a sigh, his eyes not leaving my face as I look down at my feet.
"Tell me the truth" he began "Why have you been avoiding me?"
Although it was an easy question to answer, I stood there completely speechless. My lips becoming ajar and then pressed together, not knowing where to start.
"Was it the kiss?" He adds, looking away from me "Because if it was then I'm sorry"
"No!" I blurt out, our eyes making contact "I mean yeah- I mean-"
"Did you not like the kiss?"
I shake my head "That's not it..."
His eyes were casted down and his lips became pitched "Then what is it?"
"I-I-" I stutter, my eyes looking away from him "I don't want to do this again..."
"You're not saying-"
"I-I really like you Luis, honest to God I do" I sighed "But I just want to stay as... friends..."
He turns away as he begins pacing, looking around and mumbling to himself. My grip to my bag tightens as he moves his hair away from his face.
I take a step closer to him, gently grabbing his sweater "Please say something Luis"
"What am I supposed to say?" He said, making me remove my hand away from him "We kissed, then you ignore me for God knows how long and then when I ask you about it you tell me this"
It hurt to see my own best friend angry at something that was completely my fault. It hurt to see him most likely angry at me...
"We were in the moment Luis-"
"Admit one thing to me Nairobi" he cuts me off looking at me with his innocent eyes "Did that kiss mean nothing to you, or did you at least feel something?"
I bit my tongue as he asked that question, taking a deep breath "It did... it really did..."
"Then why? Why can't we be together?"
"I just- I just can't Luis" I teared up "I don't- I don't want to get do this again..."
He takes a step close to me as he presses his lips against mine, my body freezing up. It was more passionate this time, as if he was saying 'You're all I want'.
As he pulls away, he looks down at me with a meaningful expression. His thumbs stroking my face as I gently remove them.
"Goodbye Luis" I whisper as I walk past him, leaving him alone with his thoughts
Hot tears were going down my face as I tried my best to keep my composure. When I made it home, I was relieved mom wasn't there.
I threw my bag near my counter as I began bawling my eyes out. Holding my body tightly for comfort. My silent sobs being the only thing that I can hear.
For the first time... I hurt my best friend...
************************************************ I'm sorry that this chapter was short, the next chapter will be much longer! <33
