A Broken Trust Leads To A Goodbye | Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

Chapter 9: Keep Fighting, My Love

"What happened?" Natasha questioned worryingly.

"I developed various mental issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, and an eating disorder. The past 2 years were never easy for me. I got depressed after her death and the divorce. Everything just stopped. I didn't even have any motivation to leave my bed. I can't just force myself to eat because every time I do, I'll exactly remember the happy memories we fulfilled in the house and I'll just end up crying. There even was this time in my life when I thought I didn't have any place in this world anymore, seeing that my responsibility, my only child, is already gone. There was also some moment in my life, each time I see little girls bonding with their moms I can't stop but miss her. Elle is everything to me. She was the world to me. Almost throughout my existence, I'm alone but then she came into my life and she just changed everything. The first time I saw her face, I told myself that maybe this time, she's the very first person that would never leave me, the one person who'll stay by my side no matter how hard life will go on with us." You chuckled lowly to ease something since you noticed the sympathetic smile Natasha was sending you and you never liked that look.

You felt hostility toward sympathy.

"Fast forward to the time when I was able to force myself to finally stand up, I went to Elle's grave. Hence, there's where I passed out. The next thing I know is that I woke up in the hospital with the doctors and nurses around me. They asked what happened to me and blah blah blah. At first, I didn't dare to tell them what I'm feeling because even if I did become honest with them, none of it would change. My daughter's never coming back in my arms. So, they observed me for the first three months, and when I'm willing to help myself, that's the time they told me about my mental and physical health. A psychiatrist helped me to somehow go on with my life. So, here I am. I stood up after grieving for a long time. However, there are still a few depressive episodes every time I think of Elle. I'm still mourning but I can deal with it now, unlike before."

Silence fell upon you both, Natasha was beyond speechless with what you've been through.

"I'm sorry, I left you." Natasha teared up slightly, she loathes herself for leaving you that day. Even if you pushed her away, she should have been there for you when you needed her.

"It's none of your fault, Natasha." You ensured her, "I want to thank you because you gave Elle the justice she deserves."

"I'll do anything for the both of you, you know that right?"

"Yeah." You breathed. "How are you? Really?"

"I also grieved." Natasha confessed whilst biting her lips before shakily continuing, "Elle was a blessing to me, you know? She made me a mother when I thought I could never be one because of what they did to us where I grew up. They sterilized us in the Red Room because they said it makes our killings and missions easier that's why I can't conceive a baby of mine. Elle gave me everything. You both are my light but then everything happened. You were both gone within a snap. The light in my dark life was taken off. I thought it was what I deserve after all the horrible things that I've done in the past so, I accepted it. I accepted my fate, I signed the divorce papers even if it eradicated my heart."

"Tasha." You murmured apologetically which made Natasha glimmer slightly despite the tears that were streaming continuously in her cheeks. She was delighted that she heard her favorite nickname from your mouth once again. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. It's not your fault." She chuckled while she wiped her tears.

You placed both of your palms on either side of her rosy cheeks, glancing at her directly in the eyes. You could see the pain in them. The pain that she's been carrying on her shoulders the whole time. You thought about how fortunate you were since you got helped by the doctors and specialists. While Natasha had no one when she was at the lowest time of her life because you kicked her away. She lost everyone important in her life. You didn't feel pleased with yourself because you committed to her day you both tied the knot. You committed to being by her side especially when she's at her lowest and now, you broke that commitment.

Then, Natasha connected both of your foreheads which brought you back to reality before she faintly murmured, "I love you."

You were stunned by the sudden confession that just came out from her. The shyness in her tone made you melt back again just like before.

Natasha's always adorable every time she shows her affection to you, mainly because she would shy away to the point where you would tease her about it then the next day she won't talk to you for doing so. She's clingy but she'll never admit it because she has a reputation to uphold.

You also guessed she quit liking you the time you kicked her away from your life. You even thought that she disdains you because you left her when she also lost her daughter. You never thought you'll be able to hear those three words from her mouth again but here we are.

"You still do?"

"I never stopped," Natasha mumbled, looking down at your lips before looking back to your puffy red eyes. She was grinning uncontrollably because she can't fight it even if she wanted to, but then she remembered something that caused her smile to falter, "Then, I saw you kissing that stupid little girlfriend of yours, my feelings grew vaster because of the jeal- nevermind."

"God, how many times do I have to tell you that she's not my girlfriend?" You whined but you found her jealousy very fascinating right now. There was a tension between you but it's not something about hate, somehow it's coming from desire? But you shrugged it off, not wanting to miss this special moment with the redhead you miss.

Yeah, you miss her even if you were acting angry all this time. There is just this string that keeps pulling your heart back to her. It's as if your hearts are connected and they cannot be broken by any force and even if you'll break apart, your hearts would always find their way to put you back together.

"You are so jealous that night."

Natasha scoffed defensively, "I never get jealous."

"Whatever." You teased her.