CHAPTER 8: ALARM CLOCK
SUMMARY:
THE STORY THAT WAS SET FREE
Even without meaning to, you already are too distant. Rather, I should've been by your side more. I should've thought better. I should've been more sensible and patient than that. I should've given you a proper goodbye. »
- From the day I missed you.
Looking back at it, those were precious times.
After breaking up, more memories with the man came back often. It might have been due to the remains of him she came across some days ago. She realized that there was something still tied inside her chest, and although she did not know precisely what that was,
the material that held that knot was her resent towards him, the longing and disillusion for the time they spent together for all those years, and a distrust of love.
'The deadline. Right, the deadline is just around the corner.'
The woman held onto reality in order to ignore the frustration holding her heart back every moment. While immersed in work, her fluttering heart tended to find a sort of stable track. Again, another night of finishing a war-like deadline and going back home, she inhaled a cup of coffee and walked past the closed curtains because she could not stand to see the light. It was raining outside of the window. The lump in her heart, forgotten for a brief moment, called out in agony again.
What was that?
For all her resentment and pride, that was something she could not believe. What could that be? The woman took a sip of coffee. The bitter taste filled her mouth. While taking another sip, she took a look down the rain-soaked alley through the window. What a pretty little street. On rainy days like today, a street they had walked under the same umbrella, and on sunny days, a street they had walked with Dani running before them. And at times, when they could not overcome their sorrows, a street they walked separately. It was a street where the two of them alone cherished the time spent. The place her gaze followed the street to, ironically, was his home.
In an instant, the strings tied inside of her chest snapped, and the knot hiding its true color burst out with a 'pop'.
That was love.
She still loved him.
And the last conversation she shared with him ressounded inside her mind by its own will.
'The moment the rose-colored lenses of love come off is when all hell breaks loose.'
His words were not wrong. He broke up because his rose-colored lenses fell off, and right after parting she became busy hating him under the shadow of losing her love. Now she was starting to see things as they were, and the doors of hell opened. She was still loving him. She struggled to hold down the feelings that were flowing out, but they had already burst out, and were growing in full bloom. Now there was no turning back.
'Look at this. The language you found so endearing annoys you to death, the adorable image of them eating now looks like a pig, their cute charming feels only like bothersome nagging. There is no more vivacity when staring into each other's eyes, holding hands is sweaty and gross, kissing turned into nothing more than a habit.'
The break-up night was deeply ingrained into her memory, the vivid sound of the words he said on that night tearing at her chest repeatedly. No longer able to stand looking at the blurry image of his home, she shut the blinds and sat down. Then, when she was so exhausted she could cry no longer, the woman went to bed. Tomorrow was another day and while telling herself hat she must now sleep and prepare for tomorrow, she set up her alarm and hoped that this was all a dream. That when she woke up tomorrow morning, she would be able to greet him like nothing had happened. And wished that she could tell him with a laugh that she had a weird dream, an impossible dream where the two of them broke up.
Greedy as it may be,
Eat together even if he jokes that she looks like a pig,
And hold his hand just because she can, even without wanting to,
And look into each other's eyes even if it's lifeless,
And listen to his charming words even if they sound like nagging,
Kiss him, even if it just feels like habit······
She wanted him by her side like it used to be.
Notes:
Like a flower that falls as a little raindrop brushes by
You say those words like it's nothing to you.
Chapter 8: Skeleton Flower. By Kim Jonghyun (Shinee)
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Skeleton Flower.By Kim Jonghyun. Posted in English by Diphylleia Grayi Lee Park
Não FicçãoOriginally written and published by late Kim Jonghyun I decided to post it myself as I am a huge fan as since childhood and was great friends with him. So in his memoir this is dedicated to him the man then I lived to love that later I lived to love...
