The Blissful Marriage 💓💫

Part 17

"Kyu nhi bataya?" Sidharth asked making her sob loudly in his arms. He held her tightly as if he is shielding her from everything. His lips also quivered and he was also finding it hard to not break down.
"Baby...." He called her.

"I'm sorry..... I'm..." Sidharth could hardly figure out what she was saying in between her cries. But hearing sorry from her mouth, his grip tightened even more.

"Kyu baba? Why are you sorry?" He asked rubbing her back.

"Mai.... Mai.... I'm sorry". She tried to speak but couldn't. She was venting out all those pain which she was trying to burry within herself for the past few days. She was finding relief in his touch which she was avoiding purposely for the past few days.

"Shehnaaz.... Look at me baby... Look at me". He said while getting up and turning on the side lamb. She was crying hysterically and it was not good for her health. He needs to console her no matter what. She is again gonna end up in the hospital bed if this continues.

They both lean on the headboard facing each other. Shehnaaz was still hiccuping while Sidharth cupped her face. He could see her red puffy face through the dim light. He rubbed his thumb on her cheeks looking into her eyes.

"Kuch nhi hua... Ok? You're fine. I'm also fine. We both are together and everything is alright. Ok? Kuch nhi hua baba". He said the biggest lie and pulled her closer to lean on his chest.

"Mai buri hu na... I couldn't give you a..."

"Sshhhh...." He shut her up caressing her hair while his eyes welled up. He didn't wanted to go there. It will make him vulnerable too, then who will handle her.

"You are enough for me Shehnaaz.... Koi nhi chaiye Hume. Ok?" He said softly when she jerked away from his hold.

"No... It's not ok. Nothing is ok Sidharth". She yelled on him, chocking. "Mujhe chaiye tha... HUME chaiye tha Sidharth. We both wanted to become the amazing parents na... Kitne sapne dekhe the humne saath mein. But ab... Ab sab khatam ho gya. Everything is finished because of me. Mai... Mai nhi de paaungi tumhe...." She shouted like a maniac holding her head in her hands. He didn't know what to say. He kept silent listening to her words, denying to believe the truth which she was uttering.

"I'm not ok... And I don't want to be ok". She yelled more louder this time. He was looking at her and his heat broke into a million pieces seeing the happy, chirpy-girl like a mentally unstable person. She was looking like that only. She was pulling her hair in frustration when he held her hands and stopped her.

"What the hell is this yaar? Stop it!" He shouted back making her cry again. But this time he didn't hold her. He was equally angry, frustrated and sad.

"I don't want to live". She whispered softly in tears. Sidharth was literally at his last nerve hearing that.

"Shut the fuck up Shehnaaz. Kya bakwas kar rhi hai tu? How can you even say that?" He looked at her in horror and disbelief.
"Shehnaaz sapne HUMARE the.... We were both in this together. Sirf tere hi sapne nhi tutte mere bhi tutte hai. But you know why I'm staying strong, why I'm living?" He held her arms harshly.

"For you god dammit! Tere liye jee rha hu mai. I also wanted to have a kid so bad. Tujhe pata haina how my childhood was. Mai apne bacche ko duniya ki saari Khushiyan dena chahta tha. But ab nhi ho sakta to kya karu, mar jau?" Suddenly she stopped crying. She listened to him silently.

"Nhi mar sakta. Because I still have you! I want to be with you. Ab sirf meri jeene ki wajah tu hai... Pehle bhi thi... Aage bhi hogi. Samajh gyi. Nhi chaiye mujhe koi baccha waccha. I can live without a child... Hell I can live without anyone but not you." Sidharth said as tears brimmed up at the corner of his eyes. But he can't let that come out. "Then why can't you?" He asked making her look into her eyes. Even though his voice was loud and dominating, his eyes were begging her. She could see him dieing in pain which he was trying to supress.

"Tu kyu bol rhi hai aise? Mai kaafi nhi hu tere liye? I'm not enough for you to stay sane? To breath? To live? Koi aur kyu chaiye? I know I'm sounding foolish right now. Being parents and having a child is another feeling. But ab jo nhi ho sakta uspe rone ka kya fayda baby? Humari Qismat mein shayd yahi likha hai ke hum sirf ek dusre ke liye jeeye saari umar. Aur mujhe wo manzoor hai. Tu hai meri bacchi.... Tu chaiye sirf mujhe. But why can't I be the only reason for you to live? Itna bura hu kya mai? Am I such a bad husband? Don't you think I love you enough to make you stay?" He asked. He knew he was making no sense but he wanted to distract her for sometime.

The next moment she slammed her lips onto his and kissed him passionately. Even though he hasn't practiced it, but this time he let her dominate. That was the kiss of assurance, and gratitude maybe. After a few minutes, she pulled away and looked down at her lap like a guilty one. Her tears fell on her lap while she asked-
"You don't hate me na?"

He pulled her face up and cupped her cheeks. "Never baba.... I can never hate you. Nhi ho payega mujhse. And it's not your fault baby... It's not anybody's fault. It's our destiny and we have to accept it".

"Tujhe dukh nhi ho rha?" She asked pouting snuggling to his chest.

"Bohot....! It's hurting like hell. Aisa lag rha hai ke my whole world has shattered. I so badly want to cry in your arms." She was more guilty hearing this. She felt herself not deserving to be even closer to him. She made an effort to pull back when he held her more tight, pushing her back into his chest.
"But nhi rona mujhe.... because I have you. And I want to be there for you. Mai khud toott jaunga to kaise chalega.... Who's gonna be there for you? Tujhe pata hai tujhe hospital mein aise dekh ke kya halat ho rhi thi meri? Itne dino se you were avoiding me, khud ko saza de rhi thi tu. But ultimately you were hurting me. Ye news sunne ke baad mujhe Jo dard mehsoos hua wo kuch bhi nhi tha when compared to my fear of loosing you. Kuch bhi kho sakta hu but not you.... I can't". He said chocking at the end. Shehnaaz looked into his eyes with amusement.

"What is this man?" He's blaming himself and loving her to an extent she doesn't deserve. She thought.

"Kyu nhi bataya?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"Kya batati? Kis muh se batati? Din mein kitni baar we use to disscus about this thing. Shyra bhi.... What was I suppose to tell you?" She asked.

"I'm such a bad husband na... Without knowing ke kya beet rhi hogi tujh pe, I was... I was pressuring you na... You might have felt horrible. Bohot ghatiya hu mai!" He cursed himself.

"Why are you saying this Sidharth? To make me feel horrible? To make me feel I don't deserve you? Don't make me feel guilty anymore. I can't take it! Please lado mujhse.... Hate me.... But itna pyaar mat karo jitna mai deserve hi nhi karti. I'm the one who broke your dreams.... I-".

"Keep your mouth shut". He whispered before attacking her lips. They both were vulnerable and needs to comfort each other. Both were wounded but were the medicines for each other.

They ate each other's lips for a good few minutes before he moved to a breathless Sana's neck. He placed passionate kisses on her collarbone and bit her sweet spot making her moan for him. They both missed the intimacy. They were aware of the fact that their touch can do wonders on eachother but still kept themselves away. But not anymore. They both needed this.

She took of his tshirt while he also helped her out of her top. Sidharth sucked every part of her body possible, giving some fresh set of hickeys along the way. He slowly entered inside her making her scream. He increased his pace making her moans louder in pleasure. They both found comfort like that today, but what about tomorrow? Will they be ever able to heal?

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By : with_love_Anu ❤️