Flatline [H.S]

02. BEACHWOOD CAFE

Baby, you've got me sick

I don't know what I did

Need to take a break and figure it out

✿✿✿

I spent the last two years filling these pages about Peter. I can even point out the very first day I wrote about him, it was almost as similar of an intro as it is of this one.

I had spend the first two years of college trying my hardest to be anything other than what the world was expecting me to be. Those two years I reinvented myself probably more times than I could remember now, but I am sure I have everything documented in a journal like this one.

But it was summer of 2014, to be exact, it was June 28, when I first printed his name in a page similar to this one. Back then I would go through a journal every 6 to 8 months, but after I met Peter, the pages started to fill in quicker and quicker, that by the end of the summer I finished my second journal of that year, and it was only mid August.

In the last two years, Peter was part of every entry, the main character to my story, the only importance to my life. I took priority in loving him, and I still do. It is almost as if, even after two years, I still find ways to love him even more.

But...

It pains me to say or even put it on paper, but there is another person, another name that I, for the first time feel like will be filling these pages, that isn't Peter.

But to pay tribute to a time that it was only him, the only male that consumed my mind. I will finish writing today's entry with no mention of another name.

With a journal I have only filled 50% of its capacity I find it ideal to leave these next pages blank, but not to say our story has ended. Oh now, never, I plan on marrying that man, I plan on growing old next to that man.

But today marks the day I met somebody that understands me in a level that not even Peter can. I met somebody that loves music with the same intensity as me. I met somebody that lives for music, breathes for the true, deep meaning behind lyrics and walks this earth to create and innovate through music.

I am ashamed to say that for the first time, my eyes weren't scanning the room looking for Peter, because I was too focused on the conversation I was having with this person. I may have unlocked my attention from him once or twice throughout the entire day, and one of those times was because Peter was leaving.

Usually it upsets me that I will be left alone, without my other half to pull me away from boring conversations he's so quickly could tell I need it out, but today, I didn't feel that way, today I kissed him, said goodbye see you later and got right back to my conversation.

Thinking now, I should have given him more of my attention, because he did take the time of his busy schedule to go to my graduation and fly out to Los Angeles with me to see my family for a few days.

He did it all and yet here I am awake at two in the morning writing. Even thinking about somebody else while he is left asleep in a bed I should be in, wrapped in his arms.

Well this must be my cue, to say goodbye to my college years and say hello to adult life, to a life I plan on spending next to the man I leave this journal to lay and forever wake up next to.

-Soph. May 23rd

Peter: The day after the barbecue, I had a last minute meeting which I am not usually present at, since my office is located in New York City, but because I was in town, I needed to be present.