okay soooo, I'm smiling like an idiot. because of the smallest thing. so there's this one DECENT looking dude in one of my classes who started sitting next to me. and today we had to change rooms for this one talk a teacher was giving. so I sit on the sidelines ofc doing my best not to stand out , not sit in the back and not sit in the front either. so I'm usually a loner in this class and so I was like well might as well sit alone and just deal with it. i sit on a the lady chair to the right on a 5th row. next thing you know, mans comes in, i see him and recognize him I'm unsure if we made eye contact or not let alone if he even recognized me form our class. but out of all seats he voluntarily came and sat right next to me. and mind you this was a big conference rooms there was space everywhere-and he sat next to me? odd. I'm pretty sure he recognized me but not sure. nope nvm he did he had looked over at me. wow. ik it's so middle school to act like this but idk. It feels a bit comforting ngl cuz someone i knew even if we didn't talk just sat next to me. because he wanted to. ha. Idk.
not to mention the fact that I was filled with anxiety all morning. nearly having an anxiety attack on the train on my way to school. I forcefully had to control my breathing since I didn't wanna attract attention from strangers and have to inconvenience anyone for having them think I'm dying or something. That's one bad thing about always being alone- if something does happen you don't have anyone there to fallback on. it continued on my walk to school. I came a bit early so I had to chose the perfect time to walk to the new classroom seeing that I didn't wanna be too early but too late either. overthinking that if I came to early I'd be standing alone like an idiot but definitely not wanting to be late since it would be even more embarrassing to walk in the middle of the presentation and try to find a seat next to some stranger. Idk.
i am a little happy he sat next to me cuz it didn't make me seem like a loner. Plus I notice he is always sneaking glances at me for no apparent reason. But who knows I'm probably overthinking it like I do everything.
ugh, I'm so depressing it's sad.
