A Sincere Dream

"... Kiyotaka-sama." He called out to me.

"Hm?" I looked up towards his eyes.

He seemed to be anxious, as he was averting his eyes.

"Do you... Do you want to make friends?"

I stared into his dull brown eyes, filled with worry and nervousness.

"I don't know if I can. I don't have emotions."

"Then... Do you want to become human?"

"I... want to dream." I answered.

———

Goals. Ambitions. Hopes. Dreams.

Humans use their dreams to push themselves forward, in hopes of achieving one's desired reality. 

Humans use their dreams to push themselves forward, in order to keep living.

In this sense, would dreaming for others be a false dream? Would dreaming for others be the same as not having a will to keep moving forward?

That is the flaw in being selfless, by embracing others, you choose to deny the self. Hence why it is called— selfless.

Denial of the self, and the denial of one's own desires—a 'heroic' action that drives one to regret and despair.

By choosing to deny one's selfish desires, they give up on the chance to obtain what one truly wants.

By giving up, it brings regret later on. Regret of not being able to do what is righteous for the self.

Matsuo-san asked me a question. What do I want? Not, what does he want.

In order to satisfy my own curiosity, he chose to sacrifice his life.

But, I'm sure that, deep inside— He didn't want to die.

If somebody really wanted to die, then they would just do it. They would end their own life.

I'm sure that Matsuo-san didn't want him, or his son to die. Yet, in an attempt to give one life, it took away the two.

A heroic sacrifice—a sacrifice that gave a monster a life.

By living for others, one is not living themselves.

"Nanase, why do you want revenge for Matsuo-san and Eiichiro?" I asked her.

"I... I thought that if you were expelled, and your father apologized to me—then at least their deaths will be acknowledged."

"I see. So you wanted to give closure to them, hm?"

"Yes... I wanted them to know that, I— Nanase Tsubasa brought acknowledgement to their deaths." She answered.

"I won't apologize, after all, it wouldn't be sincere."

"Yes... I know it's not your fault now, senpai."

"But, I do acknowledge their deaths." I stated.

"I... Thank you." She put her head down.

"Nanase, what are your dreams?" I asked.

"... I wanted to get revenge for Matsuo-san and Eiichiro."

"Did you think that this is what they wanted? That they wanted revenge?"

"Yes... I thought that they would've wanted closure." She responded.

"That's what you think they want. You are merely living 'their' dreams."