If we had five more minutes

alone in the cold

Wow I really messed up the only good thing I had going for myself, Wilhelm thought as tears fell down his cheek which he quickly wiped away so no one would notice. The pain he felt as Simon sang his heart out stung. The look in his glossy eyes as he looked at Simon, made guilt feed into his soul. The beautifully decorated chapel for the holidays and the only person Wilhelm cares about is as hollow as he is.

As Wilhelm walks out of the chapel he couldn't help but want to see Simon and hug him one last time. As the crunching sound of his feet strut forward through the thin snow, delicately on the ground, he couldn't help but feel the guilt and self destruction hit him like a train. As he spots Simon through the distance he couldn't help but go towards him and pull him aside.

"Hey" Wilhelm says, looking down ashamed in himself once again. Just to see the hurt look on Simon's face was enough to break him completely, however he had to compose himself.

"Hey" Simon finally spoke up, distantly looking to the ground, feeling mixed emotions of anger and brokenness towards WIlhelm and the world that surrounded them.

"That was beautiful" Wilhelm says with slight regret of even beginning a conversation with the person he's hurt the most.

"Thank you" Simon replies, clearing his throat.

All of a sudden with no warning WIlhelm leans in to hug Simon tightly. The warmth against the two bodies made him feel so much better about everything. And to Wilhelms surprise Simon immediately hugged back gripping onto Wilhelm's coat.

"I- I'm sorry" Wilhelm stuttered.

Simon didn't say anything but cling onto the other boy even tighter with all his efforts to keep him from leaving.

"I love you" Wihelm says, the words slipping out of his mouth, oddly he didn't regret saying it though. It was true Wilhelm loved Simon so much..God he loved him more than anything in this world and any other world for that matter. He would jump off a bridge for Simon and was still so beyond confused why he couldn't just admit to the video, he did need time to process his thoughts and feelings. He knew he loved Simon but was he ready for the entire world to have a new view on him? Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't being gay be the same as being straight and not looked down upon.

He could only feel the other boy grip harder to his body if that was even possible, but just like any magical moment the world gave them the world also ripped it away from them just as fast as it came. Wilhelm knew he had to leave but felt it impossible to detach from the curly haired boy. But as Simon pulled away he also pulled away bracing himself for either the best or worst outcome to his special words.

Simon looked at him for a couple of seconds, his mind spinning way too fast to process anything that was happening in the moment. Love? Simon thought, I know I love him too but he just hurt me in a way not even my father has hurt me. Someone could punch him until he was dead on the ground and it still wouldn't have hurt as bad as what had happened to him and Wilhelm. The worst part of all was that Simon was so hurt that he couldn't even blame Wilhelm because the world is brutal.

"I hope you have a nice Christmas." Simon says heartless and empty. Why did I say that?? Simon thought as Wilhelm took in the hard answer of what it looked like from the surface. He thinks I don't love him.

"Thank you Simon." Wilhelm says with a weak smile and tears in his eyes.

As Wilhelm walked away from Simon he couldn't help but feel an inner self hatred as he came to the quick realization that nobody loved him. Not his parents, not Simon, not August. The worst part of all was that the only person who did was gone, washed away, ripped away from him like that. And he couldn't help but blame himself for his brother's death. Why couldn't I be better to him? He thought to himself.

As he sat in the car on the way home he couldn't help but want to scream in agony and just die. He had never wanted to be dead more than this in his life, and he's had it rough, being known as the family's failure. Seeing the palace in the distance and his parents waiting for his presence outside only made him feel more miserable and added to the self hate. They only care for the sake of the throne, he thought again as he exited the car, entering the chilled, crisp outdoors.

"Hello Wilhelm," his mother begins, "We have a very busy holiday." The queen continued.

Oh great, Wilhelm thought to himself as he entered the palace not making eye contact with anyone.

As he entered his plain depressing room, he couldn't help but feel even more empty inside knowing Simon could light up this place within seconds. If only, things had a different ending.

-

"WIlhelm I am going to ask you one more time. DINNER IS READY. Now get down here and get over yourself." The queen says making him jump realizing he was now being forced to go downstairs and talk to the people he neglected the most.

Coldly he picked up his knife and began cutting his chicken in front of him.

"So your father and I were planning on setting you up with a beautiful girl, to get over this horrid phase that boy has brought upon you." His mother says looking at Wilhelm waiting for a reaction..and to that she got.

"What?? No way, you already forced me to deny that video, I'm not doing anymore than that."

"Well you should be thankful you are still part of this family and next in line for the throne. I still can't get over the fact that you slept with that boy, and the lowest class as well." She says, making him widen his eyes in disgust.

"That boy actually has a name mama!! It's Simon and in fact he's the first person I've actually LOVED."

"LOVE? Not in a hundred years would that be love, you didn't even know him."

"How would you know if I love him or not?? You didn't even give him the chance to properly meet."

"I know what's good for my son and what's not, you will be meeting Ellie Livlore in the morning, She comes from a very rich family and would be a great suit for you, she's very pretty and-" but before she could finish Wilhelm stood up and exited rushing to his bedroom. 

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