Summer Lovin'

Chapter Ten

(April 2005)

I was reluctant for tonight's party for a whole smorgasbord of reasons and so, as I did my makeup and got dressed, I gave myself a little pep talk.

It was Gabriel's birthday and his friend Liam was throwing him a surprise party.

My job was to get him there, a feat not as hard as it once would have been because for our last year of high school we had reconnected and spent most of the year in each other's pockets.

Our very, very platonic pockets.

I was really happy that we were doing something that I knew he would enjoy but we had this weird friendship thing going on. Well, weird for me anyways. I was his friend, he was my everything.

I knew I was in super deep and I wasn't sure what to do about it. I was almost certain based on our history that he had always known that I was in love with him and so he had separated himself from me early in high school, giving me a chance to get a handle on my emotions and not be such a lovesick pest.

Since September when we had slowly started to spend more time together, I had worked really hard to not wear my heart on my sleeve.

On the first day of school this year he had defended my honour and we had slowly started to repair our friendship after that. For a while, I had expertly handled the "just friends" thing. However lately, it was taking everything I had in me, to hide my infatuation from him.

I knew it wasn't healthy and in the last month or so, I had started to realize how much it was bringing me down. It was clear that at some point soon, I was either going to need to confess or distance myself until my feelings lessened.

As I did my make up I considered how weird it was, in most areas of my life, I was so confident and certain. However, this year had rocked the foundations of my confidence. My first boyfriend spreading nasty gossip about me, my unrequited love for my best friend, all of it had thrown me for a loop.

Gabriel's friendship mattered to me and I obviously didn't want to mess it up but that wasn't the only reason for keeping my love secret, I was also scared that his rejection would tear my heart to shreds.

On the heels of all the shit with Colin, I was scared. I hadn't been in love with him in the least but he had made me doubt my judgment and doubt myself in a way I had never felt before.

Needless to say, I had been on a break from boys for this year, not wanting to put myself out there again just yet.

When Liam had asked me to help him throw a banger for Gabriel, I was excited. I lived for a good party and I knew that Gabriel would love having an event to celebrate his awesomeness.

The only thing that worried me was that when he was drunk, Gabriel's care for me was a whole lot extra. Being around drunk Gabriel gave me the vibes that he had similar feelings to me. It was a lot for my poor heart to take.

Josie, observing him at a party once, had commented that, "true feelings often come out when you are drunk." but I couldn't think like that. I couldn't seem to get my hopes up when it came to Gabriel and so instead I would go to these parties and then spend weeks after trying to bring my poor hopeful heart back down from the clouds.

What I had come to realize was that hope wasn't always the best, it made the let down that much worse.

Knowing that it was his birthday and that he was the guest of honour tonight gave me a strange feeling in my gut. I knew he was going to be extra drunk and as a result extra lovey and I just didn't know how much more my poor, battered heart could take.

The plan was that Gabriel was meeting me here and I was going to drive us to Liam's to watch all his favourite movies and eat all his favourite snacks. In actuality Liam's parents had gone away for the weekend and he was throwing an absolute RAGER for Gabriel.

How we had managed to keep it quiet was beyond me. He knocked on the door and I told him to come in, just pulling on my converse.

I hadn't wanted to give away that anything more was happening so I was dressed as casually as I could for heading to a secret party.

As Gabriel came in, I watched his beautiful face reel back in shock, laughing as he chirped at me, "holy shit you're actually ready on time?"

I walked over and gave his hard arm a punch, I swear he was filling out more every day and his arm muscles stretched his shirt in the most delicious of ways. I swallowed the excess of saliva and rolled my eyes, "Don't be a dick! Come on, everything is in the kitchen."

I had told him that I was bringing all of his favourite snacks for our movie night and so he immediately rummaged through the bags.

He looked up at me, excitement shooting out of his eyes and said, "you know I'd rather just have this movie night just the two of us here. Liam talks way way too much through the whole movie."

It was true Liam was a talker, but Gabriel did the exact same thing and watching movies with the two of them was absolutely ridiculous. I laughed and felt my heart flutter at his comment. It was moments like this that made me melt a little. He was often saying that he'd rather hang out with just me.

For a while now, I had been trying to avoid that happening as often. It wasn't that I didn't feel the same way, it was just that I wanted to be alone with him for different reasons and it was hard to continuously have to remind myself that he didn't feel the same way. I sighed, pulling on my jacket, I really needed to get a handle on my shit.

A/N- The miscommunication of these two is killing me, but I feel really bad for Hailey because I feel like it makes complete sense that post Colin, she would really have a great deal of self doubt.