One Last Day

4

***

August 2018, halfway through 6th grade at Seaside Middle School. Joseph has been with me since 1st grade. We were always ready to conquer any obstacles that got in the way of our friendship. We walk in together, talking about how we were going to be the most popular kids at school. One of the best times in my life with Joseph.

We never became popular but we were nominated for "Bestest Friends" for the yearbook, that we did win. I should maybe have noticed that he did like me, maybe my judgment was clouded because most guy friends act gay with each other. I don't think I noticed him flirting with me or maybe even doing things he doesn't usually do.

***

I remember that day vividly. A crisp autumn day, the leaves were orange and yellow, like the color of the sun. Joseph and I usually take the bus to school, so I waited at our bus stop and he came walking shortly after, smiling like always.

"Hey Josh," he said.

"Hey Joseph, what's up?"

"Nothing much, did you do Mrs. Kelly's homework?"

"No, I was hoping to copy off of you."

"Oh yeah, sure, here."

I take the paper out of his hands and start copying off of Joseph, "Thanks."

The bus comes in just as I was about to give Joseph his homework back. We go on and sit in the back because Joseph's soccer team sits there. Most of them don't like me, they say that I'm too "weird" for him. Joseph always stood up for me and always told me to never worry about them. Maybe I should've been more worried. 

A few days out of the week Joseph would sit with his soccer buddies instead of me. After school he would sometimes blow me off so he could go to the park and play soccer or just go to our favorite diner "Paula's" without me. But I knew that we would always go to the carnival together, so two days before the carnival I asked him to go:

"Hey," I said.

"Hey what's up," said Joseph.

"Haven't talked to you in a while."

"Yea sorry, practice has been brutal, I've just been focusing on soccer."

"That's cool, but are you ready for the carnival this weekend."

"About that... I'm thinking of going with Nova."

"Nova? Nova Santos?"

"Yea, she is in my history class, Dylan thinks I should ask her."

"Dylan from the soccer team right?"

"Yea! You see you're keeping up with them, soon you will like them."

"Alright, so have fun with Nova at the carnival."

"Thanks man, I'll talk to you later."

That day I walked by myself, how stupid I probably looked asking everyone if they have seen Joseph only to hear he left with Dylan and the rest of the team to get burgers. Friday's were like that too. I knew I didn't have a date for Saturday so, I just stayed home.

***

My mom was out with her friends. Minutes felt like hours, sitting in a house by yourself is supposed to be fun, why do I feel like this. I keep checking my phone as if I'm going to get a text from someone. The only thing around me is a bunch of snacks fit for someone 3 times my size. So this is the feeling of having no friends, little did I know I would feel like this for years. An hour goes by when I hear the doorbell. I look into the peephole, Joseph's at the door. Weird.

"What are you doing here," I ask as I open the door.

"I left the carnival, I needed to talk to you."

I was hoping he would realize that he has ditched me a bunch of times for his soccer friends, "yeah sure, what's up."

"Why didn't you go to the carnival?"

"I had no one to go with, why did you leave Nova?"

"She's not my type."

"What do you mean 'not your type'?"

"She's boring, talks about clothes and what she should wear. I don't want to sound like an ass, but I don't care, like wear what you're comfortable in."

I laugh as we walk into the living room. As we sit down on the couch, Joseph tells me that he has something to confess.

"Listen Case, I don't really know how to say this but...I like you."

I laugh, "I like you too man, that's why we are friends."

"No," he tells me, "I like you, not as a friend. I don't know when these feelings started but, I just know that I feel this way about you strongly."

I didn't know what to say, I never thought of Joseph in that way. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, I love him like a brother. 

"I'm sorry Joseph, but I don't feel the same, I love being friends with you."

I watch Joseph's face drop as I reject him. He tells me to forget what he said and just walks out of the house.

***

Monday morning comes around and Joseph is not at the bus stop. I text him but no response, as the bus is about to leave, it makes an abrupt stop. Joseph gets on and walks past me without saying hi and just goes to his soccer team. I hear snickering from him and the team. The last thing I hear before putting on my headphones is:

"Josh told me Saturday night that he likes me."

***