The Assassin

Another Update

Hey guys...

Wow. I didn't think I'd be doing another update since my plan was to release the edited versions of all the previous chapters slowly. But, like the open author I am, I feel the need to explain to my loyal readers why it's taking me so long. So I have more sad news to share with you guys. The past few months haven't been easy for me. As you know, I lost my baby brother and cousin in a car accident. My mental health has been shit (which I finally got to see a psychiatrist in January so yay). I was really struggling in life aye. But of course you already know all of this.

However, I got sick just after Christmas. And no matter how many times I went back to the doctors, no matter how strong the medication was, no matter how much rest I got, I was only getting worse. I was sick for three weeks with my symptoms only getting worse. I couldn't walk more than 15 to 30 steps without getting hot from head to toe, completely out of breath and needing to rest under a fan for a few minutes. I almost passed out just showering so I was told not to do that by my GP. I was nauseous and vomiting every other day - triggered by smells, food, and brushing teeth. I was fatigued beyond belief which was saying something considering I have three sleep disorders I'm used to. It got to the point where I couldn't make food for myself and had to rely on my Mum for help. I only left the house 3 times within these three weeks of being sick, only going straight to the doctors and coming straight home. At the next doctor appointment I had, my GP wanted me to get a blood test and a covid test. Back when this was going on, my area had a spike in covid cases so bookings for a test were a few day wait. And on the evening of the 21st of January I woke up from a nap and got ready for my covid test appointment with my Mum driving me because I was too exhausted obviously. I saw a doctor before the test and they said everything I was experiencing could be a result of either atypical pneumonia, an influenza strain, or a bad infection. I got the covid test and was sent home with an anti-biotic and anti-nausea scripts.

Fast forward a few hours, it's now close to midnight and I decide to go to bed. But before I head to my room, I have some chest pains. Luckily it wasn't that painful and didn't last long. I told Mum about it just in case and I swore to tell her if it came back or got worse. We settled in for bed and not long into it, I got stomach pains. So I went to the bathroom. I couldn't pass my bowels. And then I suddenly felt the nausea kick up. I sat on a chair in front of the bathroom sink as it got worse. I couldn't vomit as much as I wanted too. Suddenly I got hot and it became a task to breathe. I managed to weakly call out to Mum - thankfully it's a small house. I got her to turn the fan on behind me, which helped, and she just tried to get me to calm my breathing. I could see in the mirror how pale I was becoming. My breathing became more rapid. It felt like an effort to keep my eyes open. I told Mum I felt like I was going to pass out when all of a sudden I started to tingle from head to toe. I was close to passing out. With Mum's help, we carefully manoeuvred me onto the ground from the chair with my back against the vanity cupboards. The second the air from the fan hit me, it felt like I could breathe easier. I sat there for a few minutes and started to feel better.

I decided in the moment I was close to passing out that I needed medical attention. So after a quick call to a non-emergency nurses number which basically assess your symptoms and give advice on what to do, we were put through to the ambulance service to organise going to hospital. We were told it could be up to five hours of waiting for an ambulance. I didn't want to wait that long and we decided to just go to hospital ourselves since our local one was only a 15 minute drive. We got ready quickly, left and arrived around 2am ish. Unfortunately with the current covid restrictions at the time, my Mum couldn't stay with me - which was a trauma for her with the way the nurse spoke to her. Anyway I was taken straight to a air pressured room, got a rapid covid test done which came back negative, had a blood test done, and a chest scan done. I remember all of a sudden being woken from a light nap and them taking me to resus bay (basically an area where there is always a nurse around and is usually for cases of serious nature) with the only explanation being that it was in case I needed an urgent blood transfusion.

I don't know how much time had passed since I arrived. Maybe four to eight hours. Suddenly I had the head nurse come in, close the curtains, pull up a chair, and grab my hand. She starts by telling me she has something to talk to me about. She goes on to say they found something in my blood tests that is surprising for someone my age... They found Leukemia. A rather aggressive form. She followed up after I took a few seconds to digest the information by saying she was very grateful I came into hospital when I did because if it had been a few weeks later, it would have been a very different story... The plan from there was to transfer me to another hospital in the city and I would be admitted to its cancer ward for immediate treatment. She asked if I wanted both my parents to come in to the hospital to be told, and I said yes but I didn't know if my father would come. I was right, my father didn't want to come in, but wanted to hear the news over the phone. My Mum set off from home and came straight away. It took a bit for them to let her in - she had to pass a covid test as it was a safety risk for me - and she was visibly worried as they brought her in. And so a day before my brother and cousin's 3 month passing anniversary, my Mum was sat down and told her only living son had an aggressive form of cancer. I will never forget that moment. Never.

Anyway, before I start crying, let's move on. I was transferred later that day and admitted to the emergency department since the cancer ward was waiting for a bed to be open. I was there for a good four or more hours. AND IT WAS HELL. Unlike the last hospital emergency department, I was ignored and not checked in on. I was left alone without even a button to call for help, so I was left calling out to the nurses rushing back and forwards. I had this one particular nurse that ended up being the main person to be in charge of my care and she came across as mean with her comments and actions. Like I had an accident where all of a sudden my cannula came out and I was bleeding all over the bed and the dressing gown. I had to call out for a random nurse to get help, and then my nurse appeared to fix the cannula. She seemed almost angry. She then stripped me of my gown (I'm trans and haven't had top surgery) with a big gap in the curtain, cleaned and changed the bed sheets, and gave me a new gown. God, it almost broke me after the diagnosis and being all alone. Luckily not too long after - maybe an hour or so - I was finally admitted to the cancer ward that night. And I must reassure you that the care I received in this cancer ward was beyond phenomenal. Like I was well looked after by every single nurse I had and my main treating specialist doctor.

I spent a total of 26 days in hospital and my cancer treatment started two days after being admitted. The first round of chemotherapy was fairly brutal, I had pretty bad and severe side effects, but they hope the next four rounds won't be as harsh on me. I'm due to have a bone marrow biopsy done this upcoming Thursday, which results will take two to three weeks to get, but it will tell us if I am in remission or not. If I haven't reached remission by the end of my second round of chemo, the treatment plan will change. I only get a week in between each round which lasts for 28 days each. So the next five months (pending on my remission status) will be very intense with a lot of travelling in to hospital as an outpatient and receiving the chemo. But I just got discharged from hospital last Thursday and I'm so glad to be home.

So this, sadly, bald (as in a bald head from hair loss) author sits in the dark at midnight, writing this to let you all know that the planned edited chapter updates will be very slow. I will try my best to get it done though since I want to release a new chapter once it's finished. I love you all so much. I hope you know I re-read comments to give me motivation. I couldn't have asked for more loyal, supportive, compassionate, dedicated readers such as you guys. I'm lucky. And hopefully I'll see you all soon with new content.

Signing off for now,
Your Bald Author Bangtan/Tan/Tannie/Felix (whichever nickname you choose).