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I never feel like I have time for anything anymore. I never realized how hard being an adult is, until I had to be one. I don't know how so many people live their lives and are able to be on wattpad. and I don't know why it's so hard for me to do the same.
before, I had no worries in the world. there was once a brief moment in time... when I felt nothing, and maybe I called that happiness?
during this brief time, I didn't care what others thought. I sat alone for days and days and did whatever I wanted. and that's how I enjoyed my life.
when quarantine started I felt the need to be on my phone more often. and I think— that was my downfall...
I made more time for others— which meant, I made less time for me.
writing this feels like my problems are solved, but then I remember the other reason my time is so occupied.
I have a job— two jobs, that I don't even really need. I'm working for others.
my first job (the church) I make bulletins for every Sunday, because they have no one else who is able to do the job. it feels like they've put this weight on my shoulders to do this job, because I'm all they have.
my second job (the movie theater) I wanted a real job where I could make friends, and making friends irl is so hard in college post-Covid. this job is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. I've made the most amazing friends and have had the craziest experiences.
I thank God everyday for the amazing people in my life.
and that's the thing after all, I'm happy to spend my time with these amazing people. but at the same time, that's why I started writing this.
I need to spend time by myself and find time to do all the things I love.
time slips away through my fingers, but if I spend it wisely maybe I can find a grasp on it.
