Until Then

CHAPTER 2

After saying my farewell to the people I know at the wedding reception, I drove straight to Via's place. It's just my gut feeling that's telling me she went back home after the ceremony. I tried calling her for the nth time today since she left the church but her phone was still off.

I pressed the doorbell in front of her place despite knowing her passcode. I want her to know I am here without pressuring her that's why I pressed it.

"Shin."

She looks awful. Her eyes were red and swollen- she cried. I hugged her without saying a word. It pains me that she's still hurting and I felt helpless.

I cooked her dinner. It seems like she doesn't have an appetite but I insisted that she eat. She smiled weakly at me and started eating. I watched her as she eats her food.

"Aren't you eating?", she asked after swallowing her food. She tilts her head slightly as if wondering. I smiled at her as I wipe the crumbs of food near her lips.

"I ate a while ago at the reception."

She nodded. I saw how her eyes become sad. I shrugged it off and told her to keep eating her food. She did what she's told.

While washing the dishes, I was surprised when Via kissed me on my cheek. I looked at her, wondering what it is. She smiled a bit and told me that she will wash up first and head to bed. I nodded as a respond.

When I went to Via's room, she's already fast asleep. I decided to wash up first before heading to sleep. After washing up, I lay down next to Via. She's peacefully sleeping. Her eyes are still a bit red and swollen but not as much as it was when I arrived here. I tucked the hair that's covering her face behind her ear. She's really beautiful. The ring on her left hand got my attention. I held her hand and played with the ring.

We're engaged, yet why do I still feel unsure of this relationship?

Right. It was because you had that look in your eyes when Rui became one with his bride. Why? Why can't it be just me in your heart now? Three years had already passed yet he still occupies more than half of your heart. Ha.. How cruel.

I woke up when I felt someone playing with my hand. When I opened my eyes, I saw Shin was wide-awake. He is looking at the engagement ring he gave me yesterday- lost in thoughts. I touched his hair and he looked my way.

"Why are you still awake?"

Shin smiled weakly at me as he kissed the ring on my finger.

"Nothing."

I hugged him and whispered.

"I'm sorry."

Shin didn't answer. The guilt creeps within me.

He's hurting.

I know it was unreasonable of me when I left the church without saying a word to him. It was unfair of me that I am still hurting about Rui even though I already agreed to marry Shin. How selfish and unfair of me.

Shin snuggled his head in my neck. I patted his head and I heard him silently sobbing.

I'm sorry. Despite knowing that you're hurting, I still couldn't find the courage to let him go. And despite being forced to give up on him, I'm still clinging on the memories and feelings left within me.