Kitty has Claws

Fifteen division. The place that I work, eat, and spend entire nights without sleep at. The place that has become my home. And now I was stuck watching, frozen in place as flames began to consume the building. I saw the chief running towards me, and my Marine Corps training kicked in. I met him half way. “Callaway, there’s a child inside the building.” Those words were all it took to send me sprinting back into the building. “Axel.  Descopeire hot miros!” (find the scent!)I called out to my canine counterpart. I followed him into the burning building, stopping only when he began desperately pawing at a door. “Stand back!” I called out to whoever was on the other side of the door before I kicked it open. Or tried to anyway. I happened to spot a battering ram nearby, and within five minutes, both the kid, Axel, and I were standing outside receiving both medical attention and, in my case, a lecture from my older brother Danny.  “Nikky, what the hell were you thinking?! You could have died!” I kept my voice both level and calm as I replied. “If I didn’t go in to get the child, would anyone else have?” I could see the sarcasm beginning to etch its way into his features. “Oh, let me think. The Fire Department, perhaps?” “Danny, by the time the Fire Department got here, that child would have been dead. I know that because by the time I had found her, the flames were only feet away from her. She would have been trapped, and on top of that a child’s lungs are more susceptible to smoke inhalation than ours.” My voice was hard and steady the entire time I was speaking. Axel glanced up at me, looking worried.  I reached down and patted him on the head, then walked away from the ambulance. “Where are you going Nikky?” “Away from you and your controlling behavior Danny, that’s where.” “Controlling? Since when am I controlling?!” His voice rose a few decebls. “Vrednic de dispreţ. aţi fost vreodată de control de la tatăl zile a murit.” (Despicable. You have been controlling ever since the day father died.) I could see his outrage when he translated the Romanian I had just spoken. I turned with Axel on my heels and stormed off before he could respond.

An hour later, I was back at my house, wishing I could just bury my head in a pillow and scream, but I knew I couldn’t. I was due to report for duty in the Military Police within the next three days. “Get your lazy ass up and ready to go.” I muttered the motto of my former Drill Sargent as I pushed my way out of bed. Axel and I were going to be on a permanent security detail for the President as he did a tour of Afghanistan and Iraq. I heard Danny enter my apartment, but I refused to even look at him as I ran through my combat checklist. When I had everything together and knew what needed replacing I finally looked up at him. I was shocked to see the sadness that was etched into his features. “So your really leaving, huh?” “I told you about this assignment weeks ago. I’m a member of Marine Force Recon’s top unit, and the president needs to do this tour, but he needs someone to watch out for him. That’s my area of expertise, like it or not.” I saw the acceptance of defeat in his eyes. He had been desperatly urging me not to re-enlist for months, but I knew that if my unit needed me, I would say yes in a heartbeat. As it turned out, they did need me, and so I re-enlisted.

Axel and I were ordered to meet the Team at Bagram Air force Base. Bagram was home to many different Special Operations Groups. Navy SEALs, Forward Combat Controllers, Delta Force,  Army rangers, and pararescue men, just to name a few.  When we arrived, Axel and I went looking around to see if our old friends were still deployed.

 In particular, we were looking for a GROM (Polish Special Ops) person named Anzelm. He was one of the best pranksters I had ever met.  Even if he wasn’t Recon, he might as well have been. Some of his more notorious pranks included things like exploding purple glitter packets in the Special Air Services stuff, or  tipping over used porta-potty’s with Army Rangers inside. Now THAT is truly a sight to be seen.

The first place Anzelm would be if not out on a mission is inside of a bar, trying (and failing miserably) to pick up a woman. It’s not that he wasn’t good looking or anything, it was the fact that he had less manners than a stable animal.

Eventually, I found my way over to his favorite bar, Axel by my side.  “Hey you! Asshole!” I shouted when I found him. “I have been looking for you all day!” “Nikki?! What the Hell are you doing back in Afghanistan?!”  “What? You aren’t happy to see me?” “Not after the purple glitter bomb you left inside of Delta Force’s porta-potties. They thought it was me!” “Well… you did-“ then a nuclear bomb went off. Okay, well, not literally. He farted. Loud and stinky enough that I wanted to scream for everyone to put on gas masks. Instead I said: “God- you are a disgustingly foul  creature.” “Thanks for the compliment.” “That wasn’t a compliment, prost cur.” “Hey hey hey, no need to be calling names.”

As we were walking away from the bar, I noticed someone who looked like a very suspicious CIA agent watching us.  He was tall, dark, and scary, and he had the beginnings of an evil grin creeping across his face. Almost everything about this guy screamed Agency. Almost. The CIA  did not ever smile. It just wasn’t in their rule book. “Hey big creepy and stupid! Back off or I will unleash my dog on you!” Anzel whispered: “Are you effing crazy?!”  “The diagnosis is still out on that.” I muttered back.  “Axel, biti bol u guzici!“ (The translation in Croation: Axel, be a pain in the ass!) Axel sprang forward just as the man was about to pull a m-23 grenade launcher (alsi known as a Hammer).  “Holy Hell! How in the name of all that's holy did he get a GRENADE LAUNCHER in here? Are the military police asleep again? Are they effing drunk? Or do they have pink effing fluff for brains?” Anzel roared. 

“Anzel, calm the fuck down. Axel, let go. He is not your chewtoy! No! Bad dog! Down! Sit! Anzel, hold Axel's collar. I don't want him to kill the poor dumb schmuck.“ Axel had ripped open the guy's pants so far that his Hello Kitty speedo was showing, and there was blood pouring from the bite mark in his you-know-what. Anzel couldn't stop looking at the guy. “What the Hell is with you, Anzel?“ "Nikki, that's my ex-boyfriend, Mikhail." "What the... you're sure that he's not just some look-alike?" "No-" he said dryly "- I would recognize that Hello Kitty mankini anywhere." "All right, listen. Anzel, please go find the military police. They may have better luck getting answers out of him." "Nikki, the military police aren't going to be able to  question him without causing a diplomatc crisis." "Why?" "Because he works for Spetsnaz Group Alfa." "Shit." "No kidding, Nikki, no kidding. " I leaned down so that I was in the ex boyfriend's face. "Who sent you?" I growled out. "Adolf fucking Hitler, that's who" he spat. "Dude, that was the dumbest answer you could have possibly given." "A B C D E F G ...." Mikhail sang at the top of his lungs. "I'm smart!!!! Cuz I can read the alphabet! Beat that sucker!!!" "Is he always like this?" I asked Anzel.

 "Only when he's drunk... Or high.... or gassy. So basically, yes." "And let me ask you ... why the HELL did you go out with this moron?!" "Spur of the moment, we both love hello kitty so yeah like we just clicked like that!" "AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO!!! I can DROOL WITH MY SALIVA AND MAKE IT GO BACK INSIDE!!! LIKE TOTALLY I'M A FUCKING GENIUS!!! I learned this in JUVIE!  SOOOO WANNA SEEE WANNA SEE WANNA SEEE???????!!!!!!!" "WHAT THE?! FUCK NO!!!! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR DROOL!!!!!" Anzel and I said in unison.