Xingyun Oneshots

i love you but this is goodbye (and im so so sorry)

A/N: this one is very angsty, if you don't like breakup fics, probably skip this one lmao

Xingqiu had made up his mind. He had made up his mind and he hated it more than anything. He hated that it wasn't how it used to be. He hated how even once his mind was made up he tried to back out. He hated how everyone would undoubtedly shun him for this. He hated how selfish that thought was. He hated how he had to hurt someone he loved. And he hated how that made it sound like he was making it about himself. And how that sounded like he was grasping at straws for pity.

He hated most everything right about now. But more than anything he hated himself. He was about to cut joy out of his life altogether. Loving smiles with crinkled eyes that look at him like he's their entire world. A warm and worn hand to grab and tug down the road into a new and exciting adventure. A beautiful face that scrunches up at bad jokes and spicy food. Words of reassurance whenever he expresses any self doubt, spoken in a voice so genuine and candid you have no choice not to believe it. A partner in life who encourages responsibility, but goes along with him dumb antics anyways, just because it makes him happy. And he was about to lose it all.

He had to. He was a bad friend, and an even worse lover. He knew it. He had always known it. He had hoped he'd get better one day, 'practice makes perfect,' and all. But he never did. Maybe he would have, if he had done that 'practice' with someone else. But no. He had chosen just about the worst person to help him improve. Someone who loves him so unconditionally. Someone so innocent, who trusts him so completely.

It amplified only his worst traits. The parts of him that are selfish, that take and take and take until there's nothing left. The parts that brush off the world around him, like he's the main character and his actions won't have consequences, as the world will surely bend to his will, right? The parts that are unthoughtful, over and over and over again, using status and charisma for undeserved second chance after undeserved second chance. He knew he was horrible. And that was the worst part.

It was the worst part because he knew he was awful. And he knew Chongyun was perfect. That they could never work. That he would be a bad influence and ruin the best part of this world. But he didn't care. He chose not to. He indulged over and over and over again. Upset him, and took advantage of him, and yet still got second chance after second chance. The most beautiful eyes staring straight through to his soul and telling him that it was okay, whether it was or not. Telling him that he didn't mean any harm, in this way that's so sure you can't argue.

What he'd done was unforgivable, he now saw. He had tainted perfection. He had taken that spot from someone more deserving and he'd misused it. He wasn't deserving of the kindness Chongyun had shown him, not by a long shot. In the eyes of the society in Liyue, sure he was. He was deserving of Chongyun and more. He was the second heir to the Feiyun Commerce Guild. What was someone like him doing with some failed exorcist, the people often asked.

But if only they knew. If only they knew how backwards their narrative was. If only they could know how good Chongyun was. If only they knew what a gods awful influence Xingqiu had been. If only they had known that he was nothing but a boy refusing to grow up, dodging the real world in every way he can. Steering the other away from the path of success with fake leads and other distractions. Dragging him down to his own level. He had known from within the first few months of even befriending Chongyun that leaving would be better for the both of them.

He had known that if he left Chongyun probably would have flourished as an exorcist. Developed a real name for himself across all of Teyvat. He didn't need Xingqiu's false leads to keep him busy. He didn't need to sneak off to the mountains every time Xingqiu didn't want to do paperwork. He didn't need to go on overly romantic and corny dates when he could be doing something more productive. He could have made other friends, maybe even dated a girl- because Celestia knows the amount of shit he gets for 'turning that Feiyun boy gay' (which, by the way, is about as far from the truth as possible.)