Love is poison, Love is paradise

Chapter 16

Hannah

10 days. It was the most difficult 10 days in my life. A real hell. Everything, including breaking up with Max, admitting my mother and trying to find out who my father is. I think this list is so terrible that there is just nothing to add to it. All last week it seemed to me that my life is derailing. Yes, it was.

I still did not go out on the street. I ate little. I cried a lot, only now for different reasons. I practically did not talk with my parents. But I started painting a lot... It calmed me down.

I thought that the grief caused by Max's departure would retreat when there were more pressing problems... But it did not happen. My heart was just further torn from the injustice of this world. I was deceived by everyone. Everyone lied. Ever since I was born. It was so disgusting.

Luckily, on the 10th day there was a little relief. My dad is my dad. Derek Bell gave my mom the same sperm that I fertilized her. Wonderful. To be honest, I was preparing myself for the worst... although my mom immediately said that Derek was my father... but I didn't trust her... after all... so my dad and I decided that we should do a DNA test. Mom did not argue because she felt terribly guilty.

My dad was very worried. And it had an impact on his health. It was hard to look at him. He promised that the test would not change anything in any case. "You're my baby and it's forever" - that's what Daddy told me when we were unwrapping the envelope with the results yesterday. Probably it was the warmest hug in our lives that followed... For me, he, too, would have been the only daddy forever... But it was pretty damn nice to know that Mom still didn't lie.

Mom and I were still in a strained relationship. Her cheating... I don't understand. Yes, she said she didn't love Daddy then... but she married him and swore to him... That means something, right?

All my life I considered my father to be a very strict and demanding man. But in this situation he was soft... he said it's hard for him to accept it just like that, but he wants to try to establish a relationship in our family... "... but I'm afraid I won't be able to accept another such truth if it suddenly comes out," he added the other day when we were sitting in the kitchen together and we were busting sandwiches.

My mother was always the closest person to me. So understanding and knowing how to choose the right words. She seemed to me a huge example in life. But, to be honest, at that moment I wanted to be like my mother least of all... But on the contrary, my relationship with my dad started to get better, we talked more... and he didn't push me with inquiries about the future... and family business... I don't understand why such changes, but I liked them.

In a week, Mom and Dad were to go on vacation to Mexico. Thus, they decided to celebrate their wedding anniversary and try to finally reconcile in a new journey. They were very worried about me and my present condition. So, waking up this morning, I decided that I should not worry them. Today I will start to do something. I will clean myself up. I will go outside... Surprisingly, I really felt the strength... to do it. It is time to face the outside world. It is time to realize that I am at home in America. And my past is in the past.

"Honey, are you going somewhere today?" My mother asked me when I went down to the kitchen. "You look great!"

I wore a narrow blue skinny and a white T-shirt with black print. I tied the bundle, slightly letting out the curls at the front, and tinted my eyelashes a little. Well, I looked simple enough. And in normal life, my mother would have rather thought that I would stay home today. But now my life was unusual... I experienced a lot... so I understood what she meant.

"Yes..." I took milk from the fridge and smiled. "I decided to visit the school today to see Mr. Adams, and recently I managed to make many new sketches..."