Home- RINI Oneshots

Breakdown

a/n: Wrote this story bc I felt that it was really unnatural that we didn't really see Nini upset except right after and during the breakup. The girl needs a messy and emotional breakdown because she's been holding it all in.

(right after the last episode)

Nini POV

I climbed the steps to my porch and walked through the front doors of my house.

"Hey moms, I'm gonna go get ready for bed. I'm kinda tired."

"Alright, Mama C and I should be up soon."

I went up the stairs, hurried to open my door, dropped my backpack, and quickly shut it again. I was exhausted.

I just crumpled to the ground and curled up against my door. I took a deep breath and leaned my head back.

I absolutely loved helping everyone during the show and not being the lead was quite refreshing. It felt nice to focus on other people rather than myself, but I had not really taken a second to breathe since we started.

I was feeling sort of sick at Slices so I left early.

I'm not sure what will happen with Jamie and my future in music and it's honestly freaking me out. I talked on the phone with him and it's all getting a lot more serious, faster than I would have thought. I'm not really sure if I will be given a chance to show him my songs and what will happen if I eventually end up doing this professionally.

What if I have to leave Salt Lake? I can't do that again! YAC was bad enough already but LA is hours away by plane. Will I move? Will my moms move? My god this was such a bad decision.

I could feel my heart beating faster and faster through my chest and I was starting to hyperventilate. I could feel the tears fall from my face and onto my shirt. I looked down to my now-soaking t-shirt.

I'm just pathetic

I put my head in my hands and tried to remember the tips my Lola gave to me for when I was caught in a stressful situation.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

I slowly began to regain my composure and calmed down, but the thoughts continued to race in my mind.

What about senior year? Am I going to miss out doing my last few shows with all my friends again? Will I have to leave all of my friends behind forever? I had just reconnected with Gina and I was starting to really settle back in with the theater kids. I really don't want to leave Kourtney to go through senior year by herself. And Ricky.

I missed him so much. When we read our cards to each other, part of me wanted to just run up and hug him. I don't think he's ever not been in my life and I can't fathom living away from him forever. Even though we may not be together anymore.

I think we could be friends again. I may not be ready for that yet though but I wish this whole breakup experience could be over. I wish I could just be over him so I would have to constantly think about him and what went wrong.

I haven't actually spoken to anyone about this. I don't feel comfortable getting this vulnerable in front of people because I already know what they will say. Ricky is a painful topic for me to think about and I am afraid I will cry.

I hate crying in front of people. The feigned pity and attempts to calm you down. I don't want to be in that embarrassing situation again.

All I can do now is be strong for everyone else and pretend like everything is okay until I stop feeling like this.

As I continue to wrap my mind around all the thoughts in my head, I hear my familiar ringtone coming from my backpack. I pull my backpack towards my body, positioned on the floor and grab my phone from the side pocket.

It was Ricky. He was trying to FaceTime me.

I quickly tried to fix my face up so I wouldn't look like I was crying. I immediately stood up and went over to the mirror to dry and tears and fix my hair.

I went over to my egg chair and pressed answer.

I was greeted with a face I knew all too well, clearly in the bathroom, trying to wipe the eyeliner off his face.

He put his attention back on his phone and said, "Hey Nini, how ya doing."

"Uh, I'm good. Why do you ask?"

"You seemed a little shaken up at the restaurant and you did leave early."

"Oh, my stomach wasn't feeling all that great. Probably just residual nerves from the show."

"Are you sure? You didn't really eat much at the party and you weren't as talkative as you usually are."

"I'm fine Richard. It's just nerves." I say more frustratedly than I had hoped."

I looked at him still trying to wipe the makeup off his face with a towel."

"That's not going to work you know."

"What?"

"We'll you should use makeup wipes or face cleanser."

"Well my dad and I definitely don't have make up wipes but I have your old face cleanser you left here, a few weeks ago."

I paused and tried to fight the urge to think of that night I spent at the Bowen household.

"Nini?"

"Oh, yeah that's fine. Just wet your face and use that one."

"Okay great."

I couldn't bear trying to keep up this awkward conversation so I said," Well I'm actually getting pretty tired so I think I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Oh, okay Nini. See you for our second show."

"Alright, goodnight."

I hung up and immediately laid out a breath I hadn't even known I was holding.

I wish it was easier to talk to him like it used to be before we were dating. Now it's just our awkward greetings in passing.

I still love him, as much as it hurts but I know he has moved on. I don't blame him for talking to Lily, I really don't. She's pretty, smart, and so talented. She's effortlessly beautiful and makes singing and dancing look easy.

She's perfect.

Maybe one day I'll get there and be ready to put myself about there. But for now all I can do is sit in my room and think about what could have been.