the worst kind of heartbreak

Chapter 10 ~ princess

Fallon 15
Two Years Ago

My birthday weekend is over and the end of the following week rolled around too quickly. All my days feel the same, like an endless loop. Lust, hope, betrayal, pain, and shame. It's so pathetic what I've let my life turn into. All for someone who uses me.

Just as I suspected on Monday, it was the same old asshat Keaton as soon as I walked in the classroom. I was prepared though, I knew it was coming. I don't know what happened between us on my birthday, but I do know I might as well try to forget about it because it's never happening again. He hates me, I hate him enough to think about murder. That's how it is. That's all this will ever be.

My parents and I got into another fight when they got back from their trip. They said I looked smaller and quite literally forced me to eat a burger they brought me from some fast food place. It was a rough night. I was throwing up but I didn't mean to, my body just wouldn't keep it down.

All I could imagine was gaining weight just from eating that burger, and I felt sick to my stomach. Then they were even more mad than before and all they did was yell at me. They'll never understand what it's like. They have never even tried to see my point of view. They just think they are right and that's it. They call me weak, and they tell me that I am not at all what they wanted me to be. I was a disappointment.

Now, it's Friday and the school year is almost over. I never really liked summer, but I do like that we get three months off of school. Winter is my favorite season though. I love snow so much. Plus it's cold, and I get to wear big clothes without getting weird looks from other people.

I walk into eighth period feeling energetic. I feel like today is going pretty good. Even if Keaton did hurt my feelings earlier, and I'm sure he's far from done. I choose to let this be a good day. It doesn't matter what he says. I'm not going to let anything Keaton says get to me, because I am strong. I don't care what he thinks.

Yes you do. My head protests.

No. Today, I don't. Today will be different. I will be strong. I won't cry and I will prove my parents wrong. I am not a little defenseless bunny. I can take care of myself, I can pretend to be fine. I can be strong.

I sit in my seat and pull out my packet for medical terminology. This class is actually pretty interesting, I thought I'd hate it but it's cool. I like learning about the body and medical stuff. At some point I wanted to be a doctor. But it was never realistic, it was only because I was binging Grey's Anatomy.

The really pretty girl I sit with sits next to me. I think her name is April. She is a grade older than me and she isn't the nicest to me but she's been through a lot I've heard. She lost her Mom to cancer last year and ever since then she sort of pushes everyone away.

So it's not just me she's mean to. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and be nice to them even when they are mean. But that's backfired before. I gave Keaton the benefit of the doubt for years, but eventually I ran out of sympathy and second chances for him. And I was left with only anger.

And a little bit of lust.

But that's not important. What's important is being independent, and confident. So what if my parents hate who I am? So what if I'm in love with a boy who hurts me? So what if my friends are fake? So what if my only friend is my brother and most of the time I hate him too?

Wow, my life is depressing. Well, I might as well own it. I don't care about any of that. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Life's a bitch the majority of the time we're breathing until we're dead. In the end, we all end up underground.