In Darkness You're All Around Me

Chapter 3: You can Rent the Space Inside My Mind

Ricky's P.O.V.

"So how was your first day?" I said to Brooke as we leaned against the hood of my car, as we ate from a small little fast food shop.

"It was really good! A few girls told me I was pretty and they asked me to hang out with them and I made a ton of friends!" She said, a huge grin across her face as she spoke.

"That girl who showed us to our classes was pretty huh?" She smirked.

"Uh yeah I guess she was." I said, scratching the back of my head.

"Did she talk to you at all besides from when she showed us to class?"

"Yeah she sat with me at lunch." I said, grabbing a fry and shrugging. I mean Autumn was pretty but I couldn't see myself with her. She probably thinks I'm strange or something or she was just like everyone else and would eventually give up on me.

"Oh I think she likes you." Brooke smirked. I laughed, choking on my french fry. Like any girl would like me of all people.

"Brooke no she doesn't. I'm sure she either has a boyfriend or only sees me as a friend." I said, wiping any dirt or food off my pants.

"Ricky, why do you doubt yourself so much? I mean you always give positive advice but when it comes to something for you, you become super pessimistic." I sighed, she was right. I am a pessimistic. I shut everyone out and don't let people in. They'll just leave or abuse me.

"Get in the car Brooke. I don't feel like talking about this any longer." I sighed. I grabbed my cigarettes and lit them quickly. I never liked Brooke to be around when I smoked so I'd make her go in the car.

I thought for awhile. Autumn is beautiful, but theres no way I girl like her would ever go from someone like me. I'm a travesty. A walking one at that. Ever since my parents died everyone has left me. All my friends called me "psycho" or "freak" and would tell me to stay away from them, so I did and ever since then I wouldn't let anyone in.

The only people who ever gave a shit about me were my parents. They always understood and cared about me. I miss that. Being able to have my mother to cheer me up if I have a depression episode or my dad to eat chicken wings with when I was feeling an anxiety attack. My dad owed my uncle money and couldn't pay him on time so my uncle jumped to fatality.

It was sick and delusional. Gruesome. I couldn't believe any man could take his own family's life. What sick fucking bastard does that?

"Ricky?" Brooke, soft voice said.

"Are you okay?" She said, she was now standing in front of me and my cigarette was lying on the floor, still lit. It must've fallen out of my hand when I was thinking and I was too caught up in my head to realize it.

"Why are you crying?" She said, hugging me tightly. I didn't even realize I was crying. I stood silent. She was the only one, besides my parents who knew how I'd get.

"Is it because of mom and dad?" I just nodded, not wanting to speak.

"I miss them too Ricky." She said, sadly. She kept her arms around my neck. I kept my arms at my side. I hated it when Brooke saw me like this. I was supposed to be the one she looked up to, the strong one. Not the one that was crying over their parents all the time. Fuck I am so worthless.

"Lets just get home." I sighed, turning to the car. Brooke picked up any left over food from on top of the hood and threw it away then came back into the car. The drive home is what I was dreading.

~*~

"Goodnight Ricky." Brooke said, smiling and then walking out to her room. Our "uncle" didn't come home today. Hopefully he got hit by a car or got into some fucking bar fight. I laid down in my bed and closed my eyes, letting sleep take over.