Voices

Studying in hell Part 2

Crystal could not sleep. The voices were too loud. She tried sleeping while listening to music. Even though it helped, it wasn't enough to shut them. The voices were tattooed in her mind and heart. 

Useless...

ugly...

Unworthy...

-Please just stop! - she whispered while tears fell 

The alarm she had set up on her phone last night sounded at 6 a.m. to go to school.  She sighed, trying to calm down. 

She got up from bed and changed her clothes without any motivation. The only good thing at school were the teachers. She knew that most of them liked her. Except for one of them. Georgina. The professor started the bullying, followed by most of Crystal's classmates.  However, she didn't want to think about it just yet. His father told her the day before that she had to go walking. Crystal went to prepare a cup of coffee and then tried to cover her eye bags with make-up. She stopped putting the make-up on her face and watched her reflection closely. Tears started to fall down dragging the base of make-up in her face. 

She used to think that her parents named her Crystal on purpose. She felt so identified with the material that was reflecting her face. Everyone at least broke a mirror, a glass, something made of crystal without caring much. That's how she felt. Everyone seemed to think they could break her without any consequence, without caring about them at least. But she could feel every inch of her heart aching. Every night she soaked her pillow with tears. 

She was told thousand times not to cry too loud to not bother the neighbours or not to be too sensitive and silly. 

They did not know how she felt. Her sister was always mad at her because at the first simple "joke" she made to Crystal, the girl cried. Was it a joke to call her "fatty"? Was it a joke to call her "baby Cryer"?

Crystal took her bag and put the music on her cell phone to start walking towards her school. The morning was cold and the wind was pushing her to go faster, even though she did not want to. In her way, she heard a voice again, but this one was good. This voice was telling her to spit her feelings out. To talk to that voice. She knew it too well. It was God again, trying to talk to her and comfort her. No. She felt so worthless. How could the Creator of the whole universe worry about her? No one did. Why would God love her if no one else did? Not even herself. 

After ignoring what God was telling her, she heard the other voices again reminding her how stupid, ugly and useless she was. The typical. 

Then she arrived. The bloody hell was waiting for her to get in with its doors opened. The secretary saw her and waved to say hi. Crystal faked a smile and waved as well. 

She went to her classroom and sat exactly in front of the history teacher, Miss Claire Couffaine. 

-Hi, miss. I think I arrived too soon again right? 

-Hello dearie, yeah your classmates are having breakfast, why don't you join them? You could faint if you don't. 

-Ah, don't worry. I ate at home. -She lied. Even though she drank coffee, she barely ate at home and whatever she ate, she'd throw it up to not gain weight. She always lied to her busy parents that she ate at school, and she usually told the teachers she had eaten at home. Lies, lies and more lies. 

-Dear, may I ask you... do your classmates bother you? You're never with them. Is there something we need to know?

Crystal tried to smile convincingly 

-Nah, don't worry, I just do not talk so much. I'm fine, thanks for worrying anyway. 

Another lie.