Serendipity

70

I love you too.

Anupama's words to Anuj at the Modhera Dance Festival echoed in his ears. 

Vanraj cracked his knuckles. He got up and paced the length of his room.

I love you too.

He closed his eyes and flinched as if he'd been slapped. 

I love you too. 

She'd proclaimed her love to him in front of the whole world. And he'd accidentally watched the televised broadcast. If he had known....

I love you too. 

He closed his eyes in frustration, cursing the moment he'd picked up the TV remote to turn it on. He had no idea that Anupama was coaching the team from Pakhi's school that was representing them at the festival. 

I love you too. 

He had no idea Anupama knew how to dance. He'd found out when he'd accidentally landed on the recording, right at the part where Anuj proposed to Anupama. 

I love you too. 

Samar had recorded her choreographed performance on their set-top box. He planned to turn it into a video to post on his social media pages. 

I love you too. 

He should have turned it off and walked away. But he'd watched. And he'd rewound it and watched it all again.

I love you too.

In their 26 years of marriage, Anu had never uttered those words to him. EVER.

Did you ever tell her that? His conscience pricked. He thought hard about it. 

He'd wanted to tell her, at the beginning of their marriage; the day the two of them had walked back to their rest house, hand in hand after their prayers at the well. He hadn't.

He'd wanted to tell her when he'd found out she was pregnant with Toshu. He hadn't.

He'd wanted to tell her when he'd received his first promotion. He hadn't.

He'd wanted to tell her the day he'd been depressed and had come home drunk. He hadn't.

He'd wanted to tell her when Pakhi was born. He hadn't.

And a few years later, he'd stopped wanting.

He walked up to his cupboard and frantically pulled his clothes out, throwing them carelessly on the floor. He then opened the drawers and pulled all the papers out, throwing them around as well. Having not found what he was looking for in his cupboard, he opened Kavya's cupboard and began throwing things around - clothes, scarves, odd pieces of jewelry, more papers, cash, until he finally found it.

He carefully pulled it out from the corner of the drawer, where it was stuck - an old wedding photo of his and Anupama's. The photo was crinkled at the edges. The colors were beginning to fade; merging into each other. The corners had turned white. Odd spots of brown were making their appearance randomly throughout the photo. But he could still make out their forms, Vanraj in a white dhoti kurta and Anu wearing a traditional deep maroon and off-white gharchola; both wearing a handmade rose wedding garland. His mother was standing right next to Anupama, her hand looped around her shoulder pulling her away from Vanraj.

I love you too.

Suddenly he felt suffocated. Her words uttered to Anuj at the Modhera Festival, in front of lakhs of people, broadcast live throughout Gujarat had him reeling. He held onto the chair in front of the dressing mirror for support. Then he picked up the case of moisturizer from the dressing table and hurled it at the mirror with full force.

The mirror cracked into myriad pieces, each one reflecting his contorted face. He laughed at the mess he'd managed to make of his life. Then walking up to his bed, he sat down, placed his hands on top of his face, and cried.

*****

The sound of the crash had Leela rushing to Vanraj's room. Ever since she'd seen the broadcast of the Modhera Festival she'd been living in fear of this reaction.

"Vanraj.."

She opened the door and stopped. The room was a mess. Papers, broken pieces of glass, the shade on the night lamp was askew, pillows on the floor, cupboards open and clothes lying haphazard, expensive jewelry carelessly strewn on the floor, perhaps even broken. She looked at her son, clutching a piece of paper in his hands, crying.

She quickly walked up and sat next to him. Prying his hands away from his face, she extricated that crumpled paper and smoothed it out - his and Anupama's wedding photo.

"Vanraj.."

The room was lit a mellow yellow. She forcibly turned his face to look at her. What she saw there devastated her.

"Why Baa?"

"What do you mean?" she whispered.

"Why did you do this to me? Why did you ruin my life?"

"Ruin your life? Me? I'm your mother Vanraj. I love you."

He laughed. A hollow laugh. He took her hands in his.

"When Toshu was around 10 do you remember he'd taken twenty rupees from my wallet without asking?"

She nodded.

"And Anu had beat the living daylights out of him."

Leela swallowed.

"You and I had pounced on Anupama for having done that. She'd argued saying stealing was stealing. That Toshu should have asked. But you and I were having none of it. We told her that whatever was mine was his. And that Toshu had a right to that money. We shouted at her and punished her by forcing her to go without dinner for an entire week. We pampered Toshu because he had been unjustly treated by his mother."

Leela looked at Vanraj, afraid as to what was going to come next.

"I wish you'd been that mother, that you and I stopped Anu from becoming. Look where I am today because of your pampering."

Leela looked at him stumped. She had loved her son unconditionally. And this is what he felt? When she sat there, not moving, not saying anything, Vanraj sighed.

He got up and began tidying up his room - fixing the lampshade, gathering the papers, folding the clothes, picking up the jewelry. As he walked out to get a broom, Leela asked: "Is that what you think? That I ruined your life?"

Vanraj looked at her defeated. 

"Baa, you're the only one who had any control over what I did, how I thought. You had the power to mold me whichever way you wanted. But all you did was spoil me, to this extent that I was no longer considerate. I stopped being nice to anyone who I didn't find useful. I treated my subordinates with disdain, I threw temper tantrums when I was displeased, I became so self-obsessed that I couldn't differentiate between a true well-wisher and a social climber. 

"I was arrogant and obnoxious. And you know what the funny thing is, I refused to believe people who told me that's who I was - be it my sister, my son, or even my father. I was so blinded by your vision of me, that I chose not to see what I had truly become.

"And that's what I'm paying for today. No one likes me at work. I'm lucky to still have a job. I have no wife. I have no respect in society. But that isn't the worst thing Baa. The worst thing is that I am 50 years old and I have no fond memories of life - with or without Anupama. In 26 years of our marriage, I never once told her that I loved her."

"So what?" Leela scoffed. "Your Bapuji and I have been married for 51 years and we've never..."

"But you had no problems with me cuddling and getting physical with Kavya in public. Why Baa? Why? What was your problem with Anupama? Why did you hate her? And hate her so much that ruined your son's life? Why was your hatred for Anupama greater than your love for me?"

As Vanraj walked out to fetch the broom and the dustpan, Leela sat there, placing her hands on her face. If she didn't act now, she would lose the only person she'd unconditionally loved in her life. And only Anupama had the power to help her. Karma indeed had completed a full circle.