random stuffff

to my only sister (please read)

DEEPEST APOLOGIES TO MY WP FAMILY- y'all are amazing ily guys, ofc, but this is restricted to irl blood-relations! don't be offended you're still just as much my siblings as anyone else <3

to my only sister, i'm losing sleep from this

you're all i've ever fought for but somehow you got sick

i know that the doctors can fix you up in time

but it hurts me most that i can't be by your side

to my only sister, i know sometimes we fight

i know sometimes we both do things that aren't too nice or right

i know that i've said some things i wish i didn't say

but remember that you're still my sister at the end of every day

you've always been emotional, i grew up way too fast

i've done my best to shelter you from problems of the past

to my only sister, i hope that you're okay

you're the only reason that i'm still alive today

to my only sister, i fought so hard for you

i made it so you didn't know the bad things people do

i threatened kids who beat you, i even fought our dad

i promised myself i would protect you with everything i had

we both struggle with death, although i am not afraid

but if were about you i'd do anything to trade

i think sometimes we grow apart, but moments prove me wrong

it's like mom says, we only have each other when she's gone

to my only sister, i hate it when you cry

we're connected and whenever you smile so do i

we have too many inside jokes and secrets that we keep 

like when we stayed up eating candy instead of going to sleep 

there is a great fear of mine, one i wish won't come true

you're going into surgery and i'm scared i will lose you

it's irrational and stupid, that is what i know

but since i'm not with you my fear only grows

i cannot sleep or think about another topic now

but luckily you've seemed to figure out how

i rely on hourly updates from our parents who won't leave

everyone else has gone to bed and the only one left is me

we had a difficult week, a couple fights here and there

but i worry about you constantly and want to help repair 

to my only sister, i will always be your friend

if no one else will stay with you i'll be here till the end 

sometimes you say you hate me, and sometimes you think i do 

but my dearest only sister, i have never not loved you

hi it's 2 am no new updates form my mother so my sister hasn't gone into surgery yet, i'm scared and want to cry and im not even allowed in the hospital. it helps knowing that she's asleep right now, but i would give anything to hold her hand and tell her it's ok. maybe i haven't had a breakdown yet is bc of the tiger eye i've been carrying which claims to prevent anxiety...im not religious and i always assume the worst, but if anyone is out there pls pls help her get through this ok. ik there are worse things that could've happened and i'm sure the doctors know how to deal with a burst appendix, but that's my little sister and i can't fathom the thought of losing her. even when we have our bad days and i think we'll grow apart someday, she laughs abt something and immediately i forget anything that we were arguing abt. i love my sister, she's kept me alive and fighting for all of my life, especially the second half. i had always wanted a sister and when i finally got one, we weren't perfect, and everything else went a little haywire, but i would kill someone to save her. we aren't the perfect image of best friend siblings who never fight, bc we fight a LOT- but i don't think it matters when we both know that even after all the awful shit we say, we still stick together. maybe some ppl never have conflict, but the ability to bounce back from anything is what makes us siblings. 

i don't know if she'll ever read this, but i love you so much and idc what we said before bc i'll always forgive you <3