The Girl from the Sea

Chapter 4: Absence and the Heart

Shale didn't know how long she stayed there after Jorah left, eyes unfocused on the spot where the night had swallowed him, fingers focusing on learning every knotted edge and imperfection of the root beneath her legs.

She was vaguely aware that she had stayed long enough for the memorial to end and people to disperse. A few well-meaning mourners came by and tried to talk to her, but when she turned and stared at them with empty eyes, eventually they all gave up.

She was there, but wasn't there as her mind flitted through her single month's store of memories. Her stomach growled once, but she afforded it the same apathetic inattention she had shown the people, and it retreated, cowed.

She had nowhere to go-- or rather, she had too many options, and instead of choosing, her heart had shut down, leaving her like a shell on the beach.

A Sha-ell, she thought, and did not laugh. That's funny.

A stick broke, and her eyes snapped towards the offending boot-clad foot.

"Excuse me," its owner said. "Do I know you?"

******

Admiral Abigail Gottlieb had been in combat. She had seen hardened soldiers, fleeing refugees and rescued POWs with the echo of eternal drums behind their eyes. She'd watched her sisters fight at home, invisible battles inside their own skins, and seen the marks it left on them. She'd seen it in mirrors; in the small furrow of her wife's brow, the one that Abigail knew was reserved just for her.

But she had rarely seen it this bad in someone this young.

"Excuse me," she had asked, and the girl under the tree had looked up at her, past her, through her, with a stare to rival any veteran soldier's thousand yards.

The face, too, filled her with a nagging familiarity, though she couldn't quite place it.

Abigail paused. "Do I know you?"

The girl blinked, once, twice before answering.

"You talked earlier," she finally said, and Abigail waited a second to see if that was all.

"I did," she answered gently. "You knew Eaxander?"

The girl's brows drew together, and she looked away. Abigail tried again.

"May I sit?"

After a minute, the girl nodded. Abigail sat, crossing her legs and leaning forward.

Through it all, the girl barely moved, her eyes focused on a spot just left of the admiral's boot.

"I'm Abigail. What's your name?"

Another long pause, and then, in a very small voice, the girl spoke. "I don't know what to do."

Her voice trembled, and she looked like she might fall to pieces right there.

"May I touch you?" Abigail asked gently, noting the jerk of the girl's shoulders and interpreting it as yes. She reached out and, when the girl didn't flinch away, took the limp hand in her calloused one. "Was he family?"

"He found me." The girl sniffed, blinking several forceful times. "He found me, and it didn't matter that I didn't know who I was, cause he took care of me, and I can't-- I don't know what--"

A shudder ran through her, and the hand in Abigail's suddenly tightened in a death grip.

"Okay," Abigail whispered, returning the squeeze. "Can you tell me your name, love?"