No More Pages Left to Tear | Mammon Angst

regrets

Mammon was the reason you were not alive right now, or he thought so.

You two were up for a date in the human world, enjoying the fresh air that you haven't been able to breathe for a year; and he made sure that none of his brothers or the angels were actually near to bother you both.

Then, a witch that Mammon has not paid back for a few years saw him and demanded that her money would be given immediately. When he refused and said that he would pay all of his debt in a few days, she got enraged and threw an enchanted pointy-ended knife towards him and his reflexes acted before him, the knife hitting you instead. You died a few minutes after, and in the moment of grief and fury, he unleashed his demon form and succesfully broke the pact; which is nearly impossible to do in any situation.

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Mammon cut his emotional ropes connecting to the world right after you died, the most precious thing to him, his human; so beautiful yet so fragile, the person he was holding on to, his one and only partner whom he wanted to spend an eternity with.

He knew that you were a human, that you would be gone after what felt like the blink of an eye that was supposed to be your lifespan, so short compared to his. But he didn't have the time to think about it yet, and he didn't want to lose you yet too.

Every time he tried to go to sleep, every time he closed his eyes he could see your face in pain, calling out for him, letting him hug you and whispering how he was special for you, confessing your love to him before it was over for you and for him.

his brothers, which were a little avoidant at first but more aggressive not being able to cope with the pain, some using him to take out their anger, blaming him for your death; while some comforted him sometimes, saying it was not his fault that you died. But he could see it in their eyes, how they didn't mean what they said. Maybe he was a little delusional, but he didn't think so.

Every time one of them made fun of him, he remembered how you would offer him cuddles and soothe him to sleep after a long, tiring week and, be there for him, to prove that none of the things that his brothers said were true.

He really missed you after all. You were the only light in this literal hellhole that made him feel safe, feel a bit more free and happy. It was his fault that you were gone, and he could not help but blame himself for it, wishing that he didn't crave your presence that day and instead of being selfish, brought his brothers with him, or never even went outside and kept you all to himself as you slept between his arms, quietly and peacefully. But no, he deserved to be alone that day since he was the one at fault andonlyifhedidntmakethatofferthatday-

He went outside, and he remembered that day.your blood splashing onto the ground and that noise you made before you almost collapsed, the horror as he caught your bloody body, the poison that kept spreading and killing you in front of him as he tried to comprehend the situation, it replayed over and over and over and over and over-

This was becoming a big problem for him, wasn't it?

The human he never dared to get close with, while the fear of losing somebody important to him left behind from Lilith that took over him was finally gone, and he trusted you not to leave him; but it only made the count of betrayal double.

He seeked your comfort, but he needed to accept the fact that you weren't there, right by his side, willing to protect him from anything and anyone anymore.

And it killed him.