Without Boundaries

8.

I hadn't found what I was looking for and I definitely wasn't done with the report I was writing. But I couldn't stay anywhere near Pok. It was only as I was making my way out of my last class that I started asking the more important questions.

How had he known where I was?
Had he followed me or asked around?
Why did he care?

I could understand the jealousy. I could even understand the desire. I couldn't understand why he would go out of his way when he already got what he wanted.

"Do you think you might need this?"

I wasn't expecting anyone so the sound of Pok's voice coming from the end of the hallway caught me off guard when I stepped off the elevator. (Was this what my life had become, him sneaking up on me just to keep me off balance.)

"What do you want?" I asked, not bothering to ask what his cryptic question meant.

"What do I want? That's a loaded question." He stepped into my personal space and I stepped back only for him to do it again. "I want you to open the door. I want to give you back your laundry. I want you to have dinner with me. Is that enough?"

"How did you get my laundry?"

"I took everything in the basket this morning on my way to class. I asked them to do a rush job."

What did it say about me, that I hadn't even noticed my laundry was missing? How out of it had I been? But this was a trick. There was no way to say yes to one of his questions without inviting scrutiny over the others I wanted to refuse. Would any reason or excuse I made be good enough to avoid spending any more time in his company than I needed to?

I opened the door. He lifted the laundry bag and carried it in and placing it beside the closet rather than my open suitcase. He then proceeded to pull out some hangers and put up all my clothes. There was also a pair of sheets and pillowcases. He changed the bedding and threw on the freshly laundered duvet.

"I'm sure you can do the rest of it yourself," He said indicating the suitcase.

I hadn't told him that my reason for not fully unpacking was because I wasn't planning to stay. I didn't want to get too comfortable in a place that wasn't really mine. Once the semester was over, I'd look for a better solution than subletting from a guy who could just as easily return and want his place back if things with his girlfriend didn't work out. This was just a stop-gap between bad options and limited resources. But Pok didn't need to know all that.

"Thanks. I'll get to it later."

"So, what do you want for dinner?"

"There's no need for that. I can just grab something from the convenience store later."

"You think I'm going to let you miss another meal after you nearly fainted yesterday?"

"I didn't faint."

"I said nearly."

"That doesn't matter. I'm fine. Thanks for doing my laundry. I'll pay you back as soon as I can...just give me a couple of days."

"I didn't ask you to pay me back." He said coming up behind me and putting his arms around my waist. I was ready to turn and pull out of his hold when he tightened his hold then leaned in and shushed me gently, like I was a skittish animal he was trying to soothe. "It's okay."

It wasn't. Nothing about this was okay. He was acting like we were still together. Like he was still my boyfriend. I was a fool for wanting that so badly that I would take whatever he offered. How long could I lie to myself before it broke me completely?

"I really have to study..."

"I know. I know." He said kissing the side of my neck. "How about I leave you to get a couple of hours of study time like the good student you are. And I'll bring us some takeout later. Sound good."

"Pok..."

"Yes or no."

"No...you don't have to feed me and you don't have to come back here and you don't have to act like this is a big deal. Just...I'm sure there are a thousand things you would rather be doing. Don't you have to go for practice?" I asked latching onto the one thing I knew he cared about more than he had ever cared about me. I just didn't realize what I had given away.

"What do you know about that?" He asked and the way his voice was low and quiet was warning enough.

I had gone back to the dean and told him I was mistaken. That it had all been a misunderstanding between 'friends'. I had hoped it would be enough for him to reinstate the swim team. I had hoped he would dismiss my new testimony with proof of inappropriate conduct. Something to show he'd investigated my claim before taking such drastic action.

Instead, he'd turned his anger on me. I was on academic probation for 'filing a false claim'. The dean was more concerned about having to apologize to the swimming coach and the students than actually finding out if what I'd said was true. It made my situation a little more dire but at least Pok got to do what he wanted most in this world. I wasn't sure it would have any effect on his bullies but I was done trying to fix his life for him. If he wanted help, he could ask his friends.

"I was informed by the dean that the team was reinstated after an investigation," I said hoping the lie sounded credible. It made sense. But it only mattered if Pok believed it.

"There was no investigation by the dean. The coach spoke to him and asked him not to punish the whole team for the misconduct of a few members. They didn't ask me any questions so I'm not sure how he even found out what was going on."

"Would you have told them the truth?" How hypocritical was it for me to ask that when I was lying through my teeth?

Pok grunted by way of an answer. At least he wasn't trying to bullshit me. He would have said everything was fine and the results would have been the same.

"So maybe that's where you should be putting your energy, right?" I said, hoping the matter was settled.