May The Stars Carry Our Sadness Away

Chapter 1 - December 22nd - Wilhelm's POV

Wilhelm felt as though he was drowning, trying to break to the surface for air but failing miserably. He couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. Cancer, he had cancer Oropharyngeal cancer (OPC) to be specific. It felt like a joke, some sick messed up joke devised by some God who in the past couple of months was clearly out to get him. First with that stupid fight that got him sent to Hillerska, then Erik's accident which then lead him into the arms of Simon; to them lose it all because of August and his mother.

Wilhelm couldn't help it but he let out a chuckle, his mother Queen Kristina glared at him throwing him an accusing look. "Sorry, I couldn't help but think that I'll finally get my wish. I'll get to see Erik again." When Wilhelm met his mothers eyes he thought he could see her face alter from her 'perfect' leader face to something that he couldn't quite place. He would have missed it if he hadn't spent his childhood trying to decipher the woman that was supposed to be his mother.

Wilhelm zoned out for the rest of the meeting as the doctor talked to him parents. He just wanted to go home and hide in Erik's bed, scroll through Simons instagram page and just cease to exist. However it was December 22nd, and the palace was in full Christmas mode. Wilhelm hated it, Drottningholm palace never felt like home to him. It was a shell of what a home should be, but it was where all his memories of Erik where. Those memories he felt were slipping away from him, slowly at first but now he had a job to hold onto them. He was so scared of the day that would inevitability come where he would forget the sound of Erik's Voice, his laugh; or the way he would calm any anxieties he had. Erik always knew what Wilhelm needed before he even did. He didn't give the best hugs though, Simon did. Another part of his life that was gone, and he had been forced to mourn before its time.

While Wilhelm's thoughts got the better of him, he hasn't noticed his breathe quickening, or that his hand was rubbing his chest so roughly it was sure to be bruised; or that everyone had stopped talking and was staring at him. When he finally looked up, he felt as though he couldn't get any breaths out, tears streamed down his cheeks and his hand started to dig even harder into his chest. A desperate effort to ground him. It wasn't working though. His vision started to blur and he felt his body start to shake. He felt a hand on his cheek, ripping him away from his mournful thoughts of Erik and all that he had lost. He looked up to see his doctor trying to say something to him, trying to ground him he though, but he couldn't quite hear what they were saying. The fog in his mind not letting up, he felt in that minute it would never clear.

"Prince Wilhelm... I need to you to focus on my voice....zone in on my voice your highness...I need you to take deep breathes for me' Wilhelm tried to follow the doctors instructions as best as he could, but he just couldn't find his breath. He needed to get out of that room, he felt like he was suffocating. He stood up, as if he was on autopilot and tried to quickly leave the room. He felt someone try to grab his arm, but he shook it off and practically ran out of the room. Malin and some other guard who he yet to learn the name of were hot on his heels as soon he practically ran out of the doctors office. Wilhelm practically ran to the nearest bathroom, and once he was behind that bolted door, did his tears come more viciously and freely as he sunk to the floor rubbing his chest and trying and failing to Labour his breathing. He felt like he was drowning, sinking to the bottom of the ocean; surrounded by darkness and fear.