May The Stars Carry Our Sadness Away

Chapter 2 - December 22nd - Simon's POV

'I love you', that was the last thing Wille had said to him. What the fuck was he supposed to do with that? As if that would solve all their problems, erase his face from that video. He wished he felt numb, and not this ache in his chest that he knew deep down was just the Wille shaped whole in his heart. He was trying with all his will to try and not miss Wille, to hate him for denying him, for denying them; but he just couldn't. Wille came into his life like a storm, a beautiful storm that make you feel everything, and leaves behind such chaos and destruction. He longed to hate him but instead all he felt for him was love, which was being overcast by betrayal.

Simon had been on autopilot since that day at the church, everything hurt yet he felt numb to it all. He tried to be present with his family and friends, but it was hard to ignore the worried glances they cast his way. He gave up trying to socialise with them after two days, when he couldn't bared to be looked at like his world had fallen apart around him. Even though it was true, he couldn't bare to face his new reality.

"Hey cariño, me and Sara are ordering Pizza and going to watch a movie. Do you want to join us and do you want any pizza?", his mother said from the doorway of his room trying to give him some space. "Im okay mama." Simon murmured

"You have to eat something Simon"

"I am not that hungry mama, I'll just grab a couple of satsumas later"

"Cariño, this isn't healthy staying in your room so much, at least come and eat a proper meal? Put my mind at rest?"

She had such a determined and loving look on her face, all Simon could do was give in.

"I'll have a Hawaiian please."

"Okay" As she turned to leave she turned around to say "Simon, I know you're hurting right now, and it feels like the world is ending but I'm here for you and I love you so much cariño. It's going to take awhile but you will get over this and it will make you stronger. I'll be here for you through it all, I am your mother and I'm here for you. I'm always going to be here for you, I'm team Simon. I have been since the moment you were put in my arms screaming your lungs out. I knew in that moment you were the love of my life. Both you and Sara are, and it hurts me to see you hurt like this. Please tell me how I can ease your pain."

"I-I-I-I just miss him so much mama, he betrayed me and all I want is for him to be right here, what is wrong with me?"

"Oh cariño, there is nothing wrong with you, Wilhelm is your first love. Of course it's going to hurt, I wish there was a way for me to magically make this all better, but there isn't. All I can do is shower you in love and hugs. How does that sound?"

"I never said I loved him"

"Oh Simon, anyone with eyes can see how much you two love each other." She says with such kindness as she wipes the tears spilling over his cheeks that he didn't even know were there. Maybe his mama was right, maybe they had been obvious but Simon couldn't bare to think back on it; because if he did, he knew he'd be lost in the memories of Wille and his soft smile, that light up the room as the sun did that one morning not so long ago. Simon did regret not telling Wille he loved him back, but he knew deep down that if he had said it, it wouldn't have done anyone any favours. It would have just caused more heartache and longing.

Simon hugged him mother with all that he could muster, and in that moment he knew that it would all be okay, maybe not today or tomorrow but at some point he could see himself coming out of this alright. He had his mama, Sara, Rosh and Ayub and with them he knew he'd be okay. He quickly shutdown all thoughts of Wille being alone in the palace without him or his brother, but he had August so he wasn't so alone.

"Mi amor?" His mother said breaking him out of his daze, to see his sister watching them at the door. He gave her a shy smile, which was all the encouragement she needed before she bounded over to them to join in their hug and knocking them all down on his bed. Sounds of laughter filled the room which was a nice change from the silence that had plagued the Eriksson household.

It felt good to laugh, it felt like a lifetime since Simon last laughed. Slowly the trio untangled themselves from each other, and with one last squeeze their mother left to go order the pizza.

"Are you okay Simme?" Sara whispered with a hint of what seemed like nervousness, though Simon thought he must be looking too hard into it, looking for something that was not there. Which was silly as this was Sara, his big sister. One of his closest friends, if not his best friend; although he wouldn't tell Ayub that as he was sure he'd be jealous.

"No, not really but I will be", he said as he offered her another shy smile. She seemed hesitant but she returned his smile. "I am going to miss you", she whispered again, "what? I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me silly" he let out with a wet laugh. Sara just looked at his with calculating eyes, and stood up.

"Come on, pizza should be here soon", and left the room in a fast pace. Simon looked after her confusion plaguing his face and just followed her out of his room at a slower pace . The confusion left his mind as soon as he got a whiff of the pizza. He did not realise how hungry he was until his stomach let out a massive growl, which caused his mother to let out a laugh. He blushed at the attention, and grabbed his pizza and headed to the sofa and settled down in the warn comfy seat. His mother and sister soon joined him all digging into their pizzas, "Sara let Simon pick the movie tonight."

"Just because he and the prince broke up doesn't mean he gets to pick the movie! He picked last time, it is my turn! I want to watch It's a Wonderful Life" Sara whined at their mama.

"Sara, let your brother pick. I won't ask again"

"Fine" Sara whined again and flung the remote at Simon, who just chuckled. He had missed all the silly little things like arguing over who gets to pick the movie on movie night with all the mess that is going on with Wille. It was nice to get back to some normalcy. Letting out a little chuckle, he fixed around on Netflix before settling on the his favourite Christmas film, Arthur Christmas. Which in result got a groan from Sara and a chuckle from his mother. "What, it is my favourite and I am picking the movie so this is what we are watching." Simon said as he stuck his tongue out at his sister. Pressing play he let all his worries go, even if it just was for the evening. Basking in the glow of the Christmas lights and the television. At least he could always count on his mama and Sara. Completely forgetting about Sara's confession from earlier.

The movie credits rolled, and Simon let out a yawn, he looked over and saw his sister and his mother had both fallen asleep at some point during the movie. With a smile he grabbed the throw blankets off the ends of the sofa and placed them lovingly over them. Putting all the leftovers in the fridge, Simon pulled out his phone to check if there were any new messages. There was none, he had hoped there would have been at least one message from Wille. He said he loved him, yet there was no messages from him. With a groan Simon went to get ready for bed, he was far too confused to figure out if Wille really meant it, if he really loved him. Or if he said it as some last attempt to try get them back together, which come to think of it Simon didn't know what they were. They never put a label on it, which made it sadder for Simon. He couldn't even mourn the end of their relationship if it never was one. Were they friends with benefits? Boyfriends? Fuck buddies? Or was is just a two time thing that was doomed the moment Wille introduced himself that day at lunch? Letting out another groan, Simon dived head first into his bed and let his exhaustion pass over him. All he hoped was that he wouldn't dream of a boy with golden hair and the laugh of an angel that had haunted his dreams for the past week. He had no such luck.