I'm so mad and traumatized

Not song, only Higurashi

Epic FNF x When They Cry Series Crossover??? Anyways this is the demo for "Your Evil Shadow Has a Cup of Tea", Someday it will be a full story I swear, you should read Higurashi and Umineko before this btw, this is also really edgy, the angst is inevitable.

A dream that you didn't want to believe, was unveiled to you as a harsh reality.
Some time has passed since Boyfriend gave up, winning was completely impossible for him, I have tried to help him with everything I can, but it still wasn't enough, death over death, a world behind another, this ending was inevitable.

I passed through the same thing once, I know how painful it is, I know that giving up sounds like the best option in the end, that why I tried to help, I wanted to see him happy and where he deserved to be, I don't care if it is with another person, as long he is happy, I don't care about anything else.

But he gave up, he couldn't take it anymore, I don't blame him, this is even worse than hell.
Only me and he know of this world, of what it hides, we are the only ones that know about this reset thing, that's a curse, I'm still impressed about how I could win my own game without anyone at my side, without anyone to listen to me, without anyone to understand. I tried to cheer him up or to convince him to try again, but he didn't listen, I couldn't help it, but I decided to stay at his side, he left the love of his life for the sake of his own sanity, if I leave him alone now, I would never forgive myself.

Those were moments when my heart began to break, just seeing him like that every day, crying and blaming himself for not being strong enough, I only could comfort him, telling him that it wasn't his fault, hugging him until his eyes couldn't stay open anymore, having him sleeping and laying on my chest while I pass my fingers through his hair, hoping for a new day, a good happy day.

It's not a secret for me that I feel something for him, I really love him, I just want him to be happy, as sad as it sounds, his happiness is my own happiness.

The time keeps going, we are together inside our house, as always, it's raining outside, Boyfriend is sleeping with me after crying for almost an hour, I hate myself for letting this happen, I feel so impotent... So weak...
Boyfriend woke up a few hours after, he didn't say a thing, he... Was a different person, then before I could say anything, he asked me something unusual.

"Pico... Would you hate me if I tried it again?"

I couldn't guess why he would ask something like that, "Of course not! why would I be mad for that? I'm happy that you want to try again!" I said, he remained quiet for a few seconds before his next question, "I just need to kill myself again, right?", I nodded, he walked to the kitchen searching for something sharp, specifically for a knife, it's not the first time he does this, we have been doing this for a long time to find a perfect reality, "You are going to follow me, right?" he asked, "of course! I always do..." I was feeling a little nervous but, anything for him, with the knife pointing to his throat he proceeded to access the next world, and I followed him, I won't leave him alone, never, that was a promise after all.

But nobody came.

The next world was here, the next reality, the next opportunity, I was there, I searched for him for a long time, a very long time, but he wasn't there, that's what I thought. He was there all happy with the person he loved, that person... Wasn't me, I thought the perfect world was finally here, that we could be happy for the rest of our lives, I always knew he won't be there at my side forever, he has been through all of this for someone else... Then why did I die again? It happened as the other times, I died, the only difference was that Boyfriend was alive, he was there with his amazing girlfriend smiling and singing.

And when I was in the next world, I couldn't comprehend what happened, after a while I realized you could just keep singing and that I could keep dying, in that way we would be happy, right? you would get the girl, I would get to see your smile... We wanted this, right? you wanted me to be happy too, right?

I kept trying, kept killing, kept dying because that would make you happy, your happiness is my happiness, after all, right? Then would you like to explain why I feel so mad when you are with her? Why do you act like you don't even know me? Why do you act as if nothing happened? Why do you talk as if I was nothing to you? Why do you look at me like that? I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding, right? You haven't forgotten all the time we spent together... Right...?

You would never... Do something like this... To me... Right...

Why can't I stop my tears? Why can't I stop screaming? Why can't I forget that time you wanted to try again? Why can't I stop this feeling? Why did I trust you in the first place, I hate it, I hate this feeling, I hate everything around me, everything around you, why can't I go back? I want to go back, my only regret, the only thing I regret, is you.

I'm just killing myself over and over again, watching you over and over again, watching your smile over and over, what is the meaning of this? What type of betrayal is this? What type of feeling is this? Your smile now makes me feel sick, your happiness feels like a stab in the heart, your laugh is like hell for me, because I'm not there, I'm here, dying and dying, trying and trying, I'm already dead, I'm a dead body trying to find a reason to keep using a stupid corpse like a marionette.

You won't do this to me again, I see that you remember, you did this on purpose, you put me through this hell for you again for your own sake, you are not the Boyfriend I know, no... You never were Boyfriend, you are just a dead body faking being someone else, I know that, because I know you better than anyone, I care for you more than anyone, I love more than anyone.

I waited too much time for this, it's finally here, the time I finally saw you again, this beautiful Friday night at the train station, we finally see each other again, face to face, I remember how you looked at me, how disgusted were by my presence, the conversation we had, it doesn't mean anything.

"Is a beautiful night, isn't it? Girlfriend, Boyfriend"

"Pico... What are you doing here?"

"You know, we went through this together a lot of times, it's my night"

Oh, Boyfriend, the way you looked at your girl with that worried expression on your face "I don't have any idea of what you mean".

"Why don't you forget about what your girlfriend is going to think and listen to me?"

That was the first time in a long time, I saw your face, your miserable expression of regret, I'm your only regret too, good to know, we were finally able to have a reasonable talk.

"Tell me, Boyfriend, what is the meaning of this?"

"I don't know, we both wanted this, you should know"

"I wanted this because I thought we both could be happy"

"Well, I'm happy, I can't say anything about your lamentable state"

"If it is that lamentable then why did you leave me behind? After all I did for you, my sanity, I sacrificed everything for you"

"Didn't you say you would do anything for me? Anything for my happiness? Did I ever ask you to do that? Are you Implying this is my fault?"

"I can't believe I waited too much time for such a painful answer"

I couldn't contain myself, I was running out of time, I trapped you around my arms that night, as expected, you barely noticed that, you barely noticed that we were both falling on the train tracks, and when you finally realized it was too late, the light of the train was the last thing we could see.

Welcome back to our miserable life, together, this time you won't leave me behind.

I won't let you do it.

I'll ensure it.

[I totally didn't steal the Higurashi Gou/Sotsu plot, anyways, here is Umineko Song]